The light has gone with the setting of the sun’s dark light, with the night seeming to be full of holes as the shadows seem to move, and they are moving again forward slowly and surely sticking to those darkest shadows. And seeing the muzzle flash flare in the dark followed by its report that shatters this winter dark, and followed almost as if on cue by the roar of those massive siege guns opening up, filling the air with the sound and fury of heavy metal thunder as they fire almost in unison. And digging in and waiting as the shells pass overhead wondering if I will walk away, this time, unscathed, and knowing that minefield we both created and planted lies right here near me, having me wondering if that map in my mind will able to have me thread my way through?

Feeling an almost tangible force in the air beside the fury of the shells, and with each breath taken, I drift back to partial thoughts to those days that are now gone. And having traces of memories that just sit with me like the remains of those faded songs that ended too. As I ask myself why all those things had to end with nothing but empty faces left to face, and almost as if being in a vacuum of time and knowing that no matter what I need to move sown the line. Now making my way through those shattered buildings that are like shattered dreams and ripped ideas, and thanking those twins known as Disillusionment, and Dishonesty, as well as Terror for the wake-up call, I received as those siege guns continue firing and their shells scream through the night.

It might be too late to fight and try and recapture all I once had or what I thought I had, as I am finding things I not known or really cared to know about, as all seems to be un-weaving around me, and the hammer might fall delivering the final blows and cause the curtain to fall with it. Moving down a thin line now and feeling those subtleties that were left behind try and strangle me, and though I might feel as if my head is in the noose, I will do my best to carry on down that razor’s edge. And I am at times not able to explain things even to myself nor see them clearly here where only spectres have pity, out here near those rivers of blindness where I once drained a cup as darkness came and hit at noon.

Once was called a hero but then again what cares I for praise? For heroes in most cases stumble and fall with fame being fleet of foot. As I continue to make my way dodging both obstacles and people’s games as life goes on regardless, though the hangman may be coming down from the gallows I seem to be directed to the guillotine instead, as I am hearing trembling voices nearby that I challenge and wonder if the answer given will be friend again? Hanging on it seems merely moment to moment as the dark side holds sway and all is surreal.

Continuing down this rough road with thoughts wandering at times, and faltering occasionally but not falling and still I’m able to see and read the signs most of the time. Like being in the eye of a hurricane in the midst of this howling storm full of shot and shell, and knowing the reason that those guns are being fired because all guns were simply made to be fired. And if I am to survive then I must believe and have faith in something for that keeps me going, or I would have nothing left to lose *.

Having lived and learned and at various times have gotten just what was deserved, and I am tired of the lies and the games that are constantly played pushing to the point that it can’t be this way. Only needing to be true to myself as I steel myself for what exactly I might find as a near miss hits. With the fires, it caused burning bright through the night knowing I can’t relax or look back, as reasons and insanity hold sway with all being the same at times as I head down those miles again. And knowing I am needing to head down the line again before I die or be with those in the earth where the forgotten wait. And a thousand lives may have gone this way before me and dealt with reflections in that smoking mirror.

But there has been one single truth and faith I hold on to though I have known many things at times, and hand on my heart I will take a stand allowing fear to wash over me and follow it with my mind’s eye; seeing what it leaves behind,…..Nothing! Only I will remain standing to continue on down the line. And though I may be innocent, ignorant, or a common thief in the night but I am what I am and I will remain.

Finding myself in the dark grey light of the new dawn at the edge of that minefield, with those siege guns finally silent after a night of shelling and roaring thunder from them, as I look out on them in the distance through the swirling ground mist in the dark dawn’s light. And as I step off casting my fate to fortune’s whim knowing it’s a gamble and very aware of losing all. But in most cases who dares wins in this Vale of Tears known as life as I walk across this wasteland, being like a ghost in the machine as I breathe in life with that one need to do as I must.

* Having nothing left to lose makes one the most dangerous thing known – Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Copyright December 2007: Timberwolf International LTD.