Passing the University in the dark light of the October sun, and hearing the combined sound of the steel drum corps and the band’s drum line, coming from the stadium, and seeming to make muted counterpoints like a soundtrack to all that’s happened. As I recall having had moments that were brilliant and now feeling as though caught in a minefield, and hoping those dancing lessons I took when I saw that jitterbug ride will let me avoid those buried charges. As I find myself wondering if the coming winter will be one of pain and discontent again?

Knowing that a lot of recent history is full of nothing but ghosts and demons, that come forth when the nights stretch out like a sharp double edged blade especially in those hours that are the deepest hole of the night and that of the new day. Keenly feeling those moments in the form of anxiety which started making its appearance in July, and having been told by you that you were and are the cause of it and that you’re a burden. But, I know deep in my heart and soul that just isn’t true.

Told you that I would never leave you to be alone out in the cold, and having heard that one should; "never say never," and then be told because it’s me; "never means never.” For you know that I try to keep my word and promises for the word is what binds us to Heaven or Hell, and you know that I have never forsaken you during the troubled times and all that has happened. As you have asked if I have tired or would ever give up on you? With my replies, having been the same over the years of; "I’ll be there."

With both of us having undergone forced aging and heard both the tiredness and sadness in your voice, though it seems as if both of us seem to be trapped in our own separate wilderness of pain. As I continue to be there with you and still wish it were side by side and not just mere voices miles away, and we both are very much aware of the fact that we both can’t fight the future. As we both take measure of all and try to take stock of all that we have seen, and I am still l standing here with you drying your tears and continue to ride shotgun with you through it all, as I continue keeping you in my heart and mind as I continue to hold your hand.

Now feeling deep inside of me like all is slowly rebuilding and realigning as though we both had been once again given a drop of the strange and another taste of Hell, and I having heard a million screams as I seem to have been searching through a thousand dreams. With all things seeming to be both in flux and turmoil with nothing really mattering except the will that says to go on, while searching for the future and what it might bring as we make our way in this Vale of Tears known as life. So, let’s stand tall and try to make a stand together. Like those times in the past when we both stood at those empty crossroads, with that bag you packed for that place none of us have been to or seen resting at your feet. Knowing it being full of all the memories and love that can’t left behind and travel with us forever, like they had been stuffed in the pockets of an old raincoat that hangs there forgotten and all seems so long ago and far away and if reached for they just slip away.

So, I’ll silently place my hand on my heart and promise to take a stand and continue to do for you all I have promised to do though all things seem to be in flux, and continuing to deal with all as I read the signs and make my way down the line to that place where you stand. As I find myself wondering if those angels will once again defeat those demons that come together inside us both, to freeing us to live like we once did in those days that have passed on by.

Copyright October 2005: Timberwolf International LTD.