I have things to do, people to talk to, places to call in order to live my life. My mom reminds me of this every single day. So does my dad, though in a more harsh and sarcastic manner. I need to call so the bill doesn't go to collection, but don't they understand? Every time I pick up a phone to call someone or to answer it, my heart races and my mind makes up all kinds of situations where everything goes wrong and I say something stupid.

I know I need to do this, they say it should be easy- just pick up the phone and call.

But it isn't.

I have things to do, people to talk to, a life to live. My heart reminds me of this every single day. So do my friends, though in a more subtle, less anxious manner. I need to get out and see the world, or in the very least, work so I have money to escape. But I feel so alone. I feel so alone and so tired and all I want to do is sleep.

I know I have things to do. They say it should be easy, if boring- just get up and go.

But it isn't.

I have things to do, people to see, a life to enjoy. My brain reminds me of that today! For a week at a time, I will feel okay and I will do everything and anything to do what I want to do. Oh! Feeling good feels so... good!
 
I know I should feel similar to this every day. They say I should know how to be happy, it should be easy- just smile.

But it isn't.