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I'm so sick and tired of writing this shit. Eating disorder awareness piece after eating disorder awareness piece. Before it was this close to reality I enjoyed it, now? I WATCH this every day damn it! EVERY DAY, every single fucking day. Every single god damn stupid day. I hate all of it. All these writings aren't doing a thing, they don't change a damned thing about anything. It doesn't take away the pain, it doesn't help her at all, and as far as I know, it's not helping anybody else at all. Maybe one day it will, but right now I'm writing stuff that does basically absolutely frigging nothing. I'm so tired of writing shit that means nothing. Just because I write something and my intent is something, doesn't mean I don't have some selfish reason to write it too. Why can I not write about it and let it go for a little while? I'm sick and tired of these thoughts, sick and tired of writing this shit, of knowing this shit, of feeling like it means absolutely nothing. Because it means a lot, it means so much- it means I care, it means I give a shit, but that means nothing if there are no results, if nothing happens and it doesn't help any, because then, why am I writing it if it doesn't help anyone? There's no point. I wish there was a visible sign that it was doing something- that my writing was helping, that my caring was helping, that my doing something was helping in some way, because right now I feel like I'm talking to empty air and writing with invisible ink.