He really hated the Holidays.

She woke up ecstatic and asked, "You got what for my mother?"

The Christmas present ticked under the tree, giving away his plan to relocate the old bird about a block away in one satisfying ka-boom!

He smiled and said, "I got her a travel package, air fare included." 

As it turned out, moving his bowling trophies and his precious beer mug collection to a safe place was for nothing. How was he to know the dog would open the package before Christmas. 

"Not guilty, Your Honor. It's not what it looks like," he said.