As I sit here, contemplating on my life, and calling up memories of all the good people, times, and happenings in my existence, I suddenly realize that there were bad ones too. If I had a choice, would I repeat them and would the knowledge I received from them be worth it?

My marriage I would certainly repeat, as I like my wife very much, but I certainly should have investigated my prospective in-laws more closely. Who knew that she was the only reasonably sane person in that melange of misfits, loons, drunks, thieves, and lowlifes. Her mother alone would take pages of castigating language to paint a proper description. And after how pleasant I always was to her, the old bitch.

I probably wouldn't have slapped that cop either. But after the very rude way he jerked me to a standing position from the pavement, I felt I had no choice. There was certainly nothing personal in my actions,but someone has to take responsibility for the mistakes made by public officials like the police when they overstep their bounds.

After all, the car didn't hit anyone, just that pole. When he put my wrists in restraints behind my back, I thought that was uncalled for, and told him so in no uncertain language. It's difficult to maintain your balance like that and the pavement is hard when you can't catch yourself with your hands three or four times.

And then the judge added insult to injury and only took the cop's version of events, and wouldn't listen to mine, no matter how loud I yelled. The sixty days were bad enough but to make me pay for the uniform I puked on was going too far.

Maybe I wouldn't pick up that hooker again. But she looked very presentable and fairly clean. There was no way I could ascertain she wasn't. Fortunately, modern medicine can effectively cure such maladies nowadays quite quickly. Unfortunately, not quick enough to protect my wife. I had a very difficult time convincing her about toilet seats spreading germs.

Then there's the time with my secretary's husband. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to repeat that. I certainly didn't know he was that big or I would never had allowed her to lead me into that closet and let me lock the door. Even when she put up that token resistance I probably should have resisted her charms. But for a little dental work I came out of that alright.

Borrowing that money from my boss I'd have to give a little more thought the next time. But he wasn't using it at the time, and I was planning on putting it back. My bookie had assured me I'd win enough to settle my debt with him and plenty left over to reimburse the account. Is it my fault the damn nag lost that bad? I didn't know she was lame.

It was hard enough talking him out of pressing charges, but I couldn't convince him to keep me employed. The wife and I had some hard times then. It was a good thing she was taking in that laundry or I don't know how we could have survived. I could barely afford my cigars.

During this period of limited resources I didn't forget my fellow man, or in this case woman, or girl. There was this young lady living in our building who was known to be giving away something free that she could easily charge money for.

I decided that I would point out the error of her ways and just take for myself a nominal handling charge for my time and effort. This was doing very nicely and I thought of expanding to see if I could aid some other unfortunate girls when some busybody told her father.

It cost me almost everything I had saved from the pittance I had been collecting from this venture to pay for more dental work and lawyer fees. I thought calling my charity work pimping was stretching credulity.

This latest setback put us in the unfortunate position of destitution once more. I just couldn't see my way clear of it. I even stooped to pilfering vegetables and fruit from the local sidewalk vendors. Those cheapskates even threatened to call the authorities when the long trench coat with the large inside pocket happened to blow open one day. They would deprive a hungry family of food just to line their greedy pockets.

I was so incensed by this, and my hunger, to help myself to small items in the stores that I could peddle for cash. What other choice did I have? I had to survive, didn't I? Alas, even this came to a halt when I was leaving a jewelry store with a few paltry baubles and a store detective accosted me. How could I have known those were real diamonds? I was just trying to eke out an existence.

I suppose I shouldn't complain too much. I am fortunate to be able to have a room to myself and three meals a day. It does get drafty some nights with nothing to stop the breezes but those bars.

Yes, sitting here, considering my life as a whole, with the quirks of chance, and the ups and downs. I realize I've lived quite an exemplary life. I get out in two weeks.