Unlike my other two 'Open letters' that I have written, these are very general and do not fit into any specific category like my makeup and underwear open letters. These are just general topics from my everyday life, that I am sharing with you, my internet friends. Also, on a side note, apparently open letters are now my thing as this will be the third 'installment' of open letters I have published.
Dear the girl I live with- The word gas is spelled with one S not two. I have tried to tell you this before, but it is hard to bring something like that up, without sounding like a know-it-all dickhead. Also, the word frequent is spelled as I have just demonstrated. It is not 'freekwent'.
Dear coffee - You are so addictive, and I find that I cannot function without you now. I also think coffee is tricking me, as I am fairly certain I don't even like the taste, I've just grown accustomed to it over the five or so years I've been drinking it, and now I need it. Despite the fact that I am certain you are tricking me into believing that the stronger the coffee, the better, I still won't add sugar to you. Some people are addicted to drugs or alcohol or gambling; I am addicted to coffee it seems. You're welcome mum and dad.
Dear the girl who works at the Turkish restaurant not far from where I live - Please stop giving me two forks. Bitch please, you know this food is all for me and no one else. What are you playing at?
Dear Cristine of Simplynailogical - Can I be your best friend? You have sexualised nail polish in a way that I did not think possible. Before, nail polish was neither here nor there for me, but now I find myself drifting to the nail polish section and the hand-care section in the local Plaza (after of course going to the makeup section) and spending so long there looking for the different types of nail polish. I also never knew I was holosexual until now. Thank you.
Dear the cat who lives next door - Please stop leaving your kill on our doorstep. It is gross. Please stop, this is not your house. Go and surprise your owner with the prize of your kill, not us.
Dear Oregon Trail - You are surprisingly fun to play. I never thought a game where technically nothing happens, could be so much fun. I know what will happen and I know how it goes, Margaret will break her leg, Chris will get a snakebite, someone will get cholera and then exhaustion, but you are so much fun.
Dear Americans - I know New Zealand said that in extremis of Trump winning, you could come and live with us. Yeah about that, we didn't think it would come to this, and we weren't serious, as we all thought Trump was not serious. We have no room for you guys here. We are in the middle of a housing crisis ourselves, with foreign investors 'buying' New Zealand. The housing market prices keep increasing, and it is hard to buy a house here at the moment, so we would have nowhere to put you, let alone be able to afford to water and feed you. Also, a friend of the people I live with has the couch already, so sorry guys.
These open letters aren't as long as my other ones, and I am sure that after they are published, I will think of more things to write about, for now, I have got everything off my chest that I needed. I feel so much better now.
Dear the girl I live with- The word gas is spelled with one S not two. I have tried to tell you this before, but it is hard to bring something like that up, without sounding like a know-it-all dickhead. Also, the word frequent is spelled as I have just demonstrated. It is not 'freekwent'.
Dear coffee - You are so addictive, and I find that I cannot function without you now. I also think coffee is tricking me, as I am fairly certain I don't even like the taste, I've just grown accustomed to it over the five or so years I've been drinking it, and now I need it. Despite the fact that I am certain you are tricking me into believing that the stronger the coffee, the better, I still won't add sugar to you. Some people are addicted to drugs or alcohol or gambling; I am addicted to coffee it seems. You're welcome mum and dad.
Dear the girl who works at the Turkish restaurant not far from where I live - Please stop giving me two forks. Bitch please, you know this food is all for me and no one else. What are you playing at?
Dear Cristine of Simplynailogical - Can I be your best friend? You have sexualised nail polish in a way that I did not think possible. Before, nail polish was neither here nor there for me, but now I find myself drifting to the nail polish section and the hand-care section in the local Plaza (after of course going to the makeup section) and spending so long there looking for the different types of nail polish. I also never knew I was holosexual until now. Thank you.
Dear the cat who lives next door - Please stop leaving your kill on our doorstep. It is gross. Please stop, this is not your house. Go and surprise your owner with the prize of your kill, not us.
Dear Oregon Trail - You are surprisingly fun to play. I never thought a game where technically nothing happens, could be so much fun. I know what will happen and I know how it goes, Margaret will break her leg, Chris will get a snakebite, someone will get cholera and then exhaustion, but you are so much fun.
Dear Americans - I know New Zealand said that in extremis of Trump winning, you could come and live with us. Yeah about that, we didn't think it would come to this, and we weren't serious, as we all thought Trump was not serious. We have no room for you guys here. We are in the middle of a housing crisis ourselves, with foreign investors 'buying' New Zealand. The housing market prices keep increasing, and it is hard to buy a house here at the moment, so we would have nowhere to put you, let alone be able to afford to water and feed you. Also, a friend of the people I live with has the couch already, so sorry guys.
These open letters aren't as long as my other ones, and I am sure that after they are published, I will think of more things to write about, for now, I have got everything off my chest that I needed. I feel so much better now.
