“Hello? Hello?”

“Yes, Mom?”

“Darling, I’m going to need your help for a little while – Hello?”

“Yes, I’m here.”

“Now Jessie, how do I connect the do-hickey to the thingy-mcbob again?”

“I’m sorry?”

“You know, that black wire thing and the white thing?”

“You mean the extension cable and the router?”

“Isn’t that what I said?”

“No, you said –”

“Never mind what I said. So how do you do it?”

“You take the plug – are you holding the plug?”

“You mean the do-hickey?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, I’m holding it.”

“Okay, you take that and–”

“Sweetheart, I think I did something wrong.”

“How could you do something wrong? I didn’t even tell you where to put the plug yet!”

“Well, it was circular, and there was this circular knob on the end of the thingy-mcbob, and I put two and two together! But I don’t think it’s working.”

“Obviously! You connected the cable to the Ethernet! We use WiFi!”

“Well, how was I supposed to know that?”

“You weren’t. That’s why I was helping you, remember?”

“Don’t turn this on me! I’m not the one at fault. Now if you’d told me before, I could have avoided this mess altogether – Hello?”

“Mother, I didn’t say anything because I thought you were listening to me, and not pretending you knew what you were doing!”

“Well, sorry. Jessie, you need to be more clear in your instructions. And stop mumbling, dear. I can’t hear you.”

“I. Am. Not. Mumbling!”

“Someone’s in a bad mood.”

Click. Conversation ends.

“Jessie? Hello? Darling?”

Redialing.

“Mother, I have work to do.”

“Jessie, darling, just give me five minutes of your time. Now I took that do-hickey out of the other thingy and now what do I do?”

“Okay, just listen to me. Now take the plug, and that’s the hickey-do or whatever, and you just gently slide it into the port called A-U-X. You see that? A-U-X?”

“Yes, Jessie dear, I did it. Now how do I set up the Skype thing on my laptop?”

“Mother, I have to work.”

“Don’t be inconsiderate, Jessie dear. Now I need you to just guide me through the steps of the process, and sit up straight and no mumbling.”

“How do you know I’m not sitting up straight?”

“I never said you were or weren’t.”

“Yes you did, not thirty seconds ago.”

“Sweetie, I assure you I did not. Now can we get back to work?”

“But–I–Whatever. Yes, all right. Do you have your laptop?”

“No, Jessie, where is it?”

“How am I supposed to know? Check the living room, and your and Dad’s bedroom.”

“Okay, don’t go anywhere darling!”

Conversation pauses for about a minute.

“Jessie? Hello? Hello?”

“I’m still here.”

“Okay, I found my laptop. And you would believe where! It was under Huckleberry, and Huckleberry’s kittens were sniffing it suspiciously! You know, I think Huckleberry really needs a day in the–”

“Back to work, please?”

“Well, if you insist.”

“I do.”

“No need to snap, Jessie dear. Not like you are busy, or anything.”

“Surprisingly, I am. But back to work, back to work.”
“Fine.”

“Open up Google Chrome on your computer.”

“What is that again?”

“It’s the icon in the desktop that has a blue center and is bordered by red, green, and yellow.”

“What’s a desktop? I thought you said a laptop was better?”

Sighs

“Do you see that bar at the bottom of your screen? The one with all the drawings?”

“Yes, but that’s not a desktop, it’s a toolbar darling.”

“Sorry, the toolbar. So, do you see the circle-y icon with red, yellow, and green?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Okay, the can you press command and space for me at the same time? The spacebar and the button that says command?”

“It opened up a blue window.”
“Okay, great. That’s what I want. Now I want you to type in Google Chrome. G-O-O-G-L-E space C-H-R-O-M-E.”

“I can spell, Jessie.”

“Sorry, Mother dear.”

“Those terms of endearment are awfully tacky, darling. No wonder you don’t have a boyfriend yet.”

“MOTHER!”

“Now Jessie, what have I said about screaming?”

“I’m not four anymore.”

“Don’t be rude, darling. It doesn’t suit you.”

“Anyways, have you typed in Google Chrome?”

“How would you spell that, Jessie dear?”

“G-O-O-G-L-E space C-H-R-O-M-E.”

“Thank you, dear. Now what do I do?”

“Click on the first result.”

“Oh, it brought me to a web page! Called Google-y?”

“No, Mother, GOOGLE. Anyways, click for me up at the top where it has the web address, “What is a web address, dear?”

“The bar at the top of the page? That has in it?”

“Well, mine has “Same thing. Now, do you have it highlighted in blue?”

“Y-yes, I do.”

“Okay, now type in Skype for me. That’s S-K-Y-P-E.”

“I can spell!”

“Sorry, sorry. Anyways, just click on the first result? The first?”

“Yes, I have it open.”

“Now can you press DOWNLOAD for me? In blue?”

“Yes, I did. Now what?”

“Just wait.”

Conversation ceases for about 12 minutes.

“Jessie, dear? Hello? Hello?”

“I’m here.”

“It popped up a box that tells me to drag a blue cloud to a hardware box. Is that correct?”

“Yes, that is correct. Drag it.”

“Now what?”

“Now press command and space again.”

“Okay.”

“Then type in Skype. S-K-Y–sorry, you know how to spell it.”

All is quiet for a moment.

“Jessie, how do you spell it again?”

“S-K-Y-P-E. Skype.”

“Oh! I found it!”

“Now, click it.”

“I did! Now what is our username and password?”

“Our username is ‘username’ and our password is ‘password.’”

“I’m in! How do I call you?”

“Umm… I have to go now. Love you! Bye!”

Phone is hung up.

“Jessie, darling? Are you there? Jessie? Jessie?”