Ah, Sunday morning. I had already started my weekend ritual by retrieving the Sunday paper from the front porch and retiring to the screened in patio with a cup of coffee. Sitting down, I flipped through the bundle of papers to find the Sunday morning comics. I always enjoy this quiet morning repast before I started my weekend chores.

That's when I heard it. A terrible row or ruckus going in the Jurgensen's back yard. Twisting in my chair to see it more clearly, I saw two individuals in heated debate. Each appeared somewhat agitated. I couldn't make out over what since they were using their native tongue. It appeared to be an object at their feet that was obstructed from my view.

Each of the combatants was vigorously defending their position. Each trying to claim the prize that was out of my vision. Looking around, I saw our nosy neighbor Sam Willis looking out his window at the commotion. He just shook his head and closed his window to lessen the noisy din.

Looking back at the goings on, the two were still noisily at each other. Each trying to make their point. They were now using their limbs to extenuate their point and dominance in the argument and claim the prize.

It hadn't come to blows yet, but I clearly saw what could have been an obscene gesture.

Having enough of this, I decided to intervene, if only to bring some peace and quiet to my morning routine. I had just turned back around in my chair and was just getting up when all fell quiet.

Looking back into the Jurgensen's back yard a third party had shown up. He was a good head taller than the other two. The two combatants had fallen quiet and were just standing there, glaring at one another. This new individual seemed to scold the two and promptly grasped the object of their dispute. Now I knew what the fight had been about all this time. Then he left with it as quickly as had he had come.

The two that were arguing just stood there for a moment in shock. Soon afterwards, one made some kind of verbal tirade to the other and left in a huff. The remaining seemed to linger a bit. Checking to see if there might have been another object that might have been overlooked, but alas that was the last one.

Sitting back down, I resumed my Sunday morning ritual when my wife appeared carrying a pot of coffee.

“More coffee dear?”

“No. I really hadn't a chance to drink this one yet due to the fight at the Jurgensen's,” I replied.

“There was a fight at the Jurgensen's?”

“Yep,” I replied. “Right there in the back yard. Even Sam saw what was going on”.

Looking concerned, she peered over toward their backyard. “I had heard they were having trouble. Poor Emily”. She paused for a moment. “I just can't believe they would fight out in the open like that”.

I continued to concentrate on the Sunday funnies. “Oh, Emily didn't take part in the argument”.

“Then it was Frank? Who was he arguing with?”

“Nope. Wasn't Frank either”.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her glaring at me like I was an idiot. “Well if it wasn't Emily or Frank, just who did you see?”

Flipping the paper over to the next page, I took my time in folding it just right.

“Well?”

“Oh, that. It's really quite simple,” continuing to read the funnies.

“I'm waiting.”

“Well, you see, there were these two Chickadees fighting over the last sunflower seed in the Jurgensen's bird feeder. That was until a Cardinal showed up and claimed it as his.” I flipped the paper over to the next page. “Thus ending the fight.”

She just stood there slack-jawed looking at me. I could feel the daggers from my wife just piercing my very being. Smirking, but not to openly, I said, “ You'll like Andy Capp today. He's really funny.”

Then she said that one word that all husbands have heard at times during their miserable existence.

“MEN!”