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The story you are about to read contains mature content that some may find offensive. By choosing to read this piece, you agree that you are 18 or older and do not object to content of a sexual nature.

Chapter4 A Massive Knob.

General Knob sat in his hover pod. This was a waste of time. No one would be stupid enough to access the biorecognition for a dead body except the law. From his experiences, it was bound to be a mistake. You either knew whom you were killing, or you didn’t care. If you came across a body, you would immediately contact local law enforcement.

The woman had come up with an unknown ID, but also a red flag. She was on a watch list. Still, whoever she was, if she were dead, she would be no trouble.

“I repeat this is Knob, either respond or we will lock down your ship and force entry!”

Scrotum hastily pulled up his trousers and pulled his zipper up quickly catching and pulling out some of his pubes. Now his fly was stuck halfway up. “And that’s why you wear underwear!” Scrotum grumbled as his eyes watered.

“Lilly open… open the com.” He coughed to clear his throat. “This is Captain Scrot of the interstellar ship Thrust. Nnnnn” Scrotum replied, as he finally forced his zipper back down, removing more pubes in the process.

“Captain Scrot, we have a request from your computer's ID, which said you were trying to access the identification of a dead woman.”

“No, No!” Scrotum lied, “It was, err… err…” an idea slowly was forming in his mind. “It was an intruder, she fine not dead at all she’s in the guest quarters… err, sorting herself out.” Scrotum said followed by a nervous laugh. “She isn’t dead at all, very much alive. Not stabbed at all.”

Knob knew something was going on, maybe this wasn't a waste of time after all. “Open the door. We will conduct a search.” He replied.

“Oh fuck,” rang over the comm before Scrotum turned it off.

“Lilly let me talk to Sweet-Cheeks!”

“Activating internal commutation procedure you big, sexy man whore.” 

“Err Sweet-Cheeks,” Scrotum asked quietly.

“Agggnnn agggnnna AAGGGGHHHH!!!!” he heard back.

“Sweet-Cheeks, listen to me, some men want access to the ship, you have to pretend to be your sister and say you were not dead.”

Sweet-Cheeks huffed and puffed, “My sisters were really, really horny bitches,” she whispered in embarrassment. “Tell me what’s going on?" she asked, clearing her throat.

“When I found your sister I didn’t know who she was so my computer scanned her… it alerted the local law enforcement. They're here now!”

“You… you… you scanned her! And put her image on the interweb?!!! You fucking moron, you'll have every bounty hunter in this quadrant gunning for you.” Sweet-Cheeks screamed as she quickly dressed and left the room heading for the cockpit.

“…Fuck!” Scrotum replied quietly.

There was suddenly a large bang at the door. And the whole ship shook. Lilly announced “They have locked a tractor beam on us hunky. Mmmm are your balls still full of cum for me??”

Sweet-Cheeks joined a panicking Scrotum in the cockpit. She noticed her room was on the monitor, with a snarl she turned and slapped him again.

“What was that for?” Scrotum whined as he put his hand to his reddened cheek.

“Because you’re a stinking little pervert who…” an Intruder alert alarm suddenly sounded as the cargo bay door was forced open.

“We are coming in, place your weapons on the floor, we are authorised to use lethal force,” voiced over the comm system.

Sweet-cheeks turned and walked out of the room heading towards the main door. She looked back with a look of disdain, “Are you coming?” she asked.

“Would have liked to,” Scrotum whispered, as he got up and walked towards Sweet-Cheeks.

She looked away embarrassed, “Your fly is open… and why aren’t you wearing underwear?”

“Couldn’t find any,” Scrotum replied, as he argued with his fly, trying to get it up with pubes still jammed in it.

Knob looked around the Cargo bay as he stepped into the ship, “What a dump!” he said disgustedly to himself. He looked at the door panel, which was hanging on the wall. The anti-gravity pod, {which most ships use to move the cargo around,} was upside down a chair had been attached to it, to make some sort of hovering chair and on the far wall there were 3D pictures of naked women.

“Jose you and Nox stay her, guard the entryway, Simons you are with me,” Knob ordered, and his three men all saluted.

Knob and Simons opened and left the cargo bay, and Knob had a good look around. There was no one there. He was about to call out when he saw a computer terminal. “Wait here if you see anyone signal me,” he said to Simons who again acknowledged his commander's orders with a salute.

He took out his remote terminal and portable hard disc and attached them to the computer. “Computer, tell me your name,” he asked.

"My ID is L1LII-XXX-69. My preferred recognition is Lilly. And what do I call you, you gorgeous hunk of a man?" Knob blinked in surprise slightly taken aback by that statement. “Lilly you can call me General Knob, I have accessed your data banks and am checking your activation protocols and scans and… what the fuck is that!” he said as images of naked women fucking each other appeared on the monitor.

“Ah, Ah, Ah. You’re a naughty man General Knob. Mmmm or is it massive Knob? Only Captain Scrot and prime user Dominic Ginola are allowed to access my files. So I suggest you leave them alone you naughty hot Knob. Access denied!”

“Override authorization code Galactic emporium alpha 9.”

The image disappeared, and the screen went blank, “Now show me…” he never finished his sentence as a huge cock appeared on the screen. “Remove those damn images and give me access to the logs and scans performed earlier."

“Access denied, is your knob bigger than this one, Knob or is it more like this?” the big cock disappeared and was replaced with a little finger

Knob flushed in anger and embarrassment, he turned to look at Simons, only to see he had a big grin on his face. “What are you grinning at?” Knob shouted.

The smile disappeared as Simons turned away. “Nothing sir!” he replied trying to keep the grin from coming back.

“Computer give me full access. Download all files to the portable unit. Galactic emporium code gamma 6.”

“If you insist sweetie,” Lilly replied before downloading all of Scrotums porn onto the portable drive.”

The mobile drive started smoking having been filled completely with porn. A light flashed on the top of the drive indicating it was full, “That’s a lot of data,” Knob stated, it will take me a while to go through all of that.

“I estimate three years of not stop watching,” Lilly replied, before flashing more porn onto the monitor. “I found this one just for you hot stuff.” Knob froze as he saw his mother, being banged by three large men. “Was this how you were conceived?” Lilly asked sounding playful.

“Get that off the monitor now!!!!” Knob angrily shouted, feeling sick.

The image changed, this time, it was Knob himself as a young man. He was tied to a chair while being banged by a woman with a strap-on.

Knob roared in anger as he smashed the monitor. “That wasn’t very nice,” Lilly replied tartly, “Sending both files to all known friends and acquaintances of Captain Knob.”

“Don’t you dare!” Knob shouted.

“Ooops, too late,” Lilly replied in merriment.

Knob stormed over to Simons, “Find this Scrot!” he shouted at him.

“Yes sir!” he replied before heading up the corridor grinning to himself.

Knob took another device out of his pocket and attached it to the computer. “Now Lilly, it just you and me! Let see how you like my defragmenter device.” {A device that could destroy a CPU’s artificial intelligence}

“Were you always a Knob sexy boy,” Lilly inquired before adding “Or did that woman damage you.”

Scrotum and Sweet-Cheeks were by the side door. Someone had magnetically locked it, “Who would lock us in?” Scrotum asked Sweet-Cheeks.

“Someone who didn’t want us to get out. Is there another exit?” Sweet-Cheeks replied

“No this is the only door I use.” Scrotum had said before an alarm sounded. “Lilly what is that alarm for?” he asked and waited for a reply. “Lilly?”

“Sorry sexy a bitt zzzeey at the momen…zzz. Intruder Intruder. Oh, my god, I need a good fucking. Take me Scrot, take me NOW!” Lilly shouted over the com, sounding very aroused.

“Sounds like Lilly is having a meltdown of some sort.” Scrotum said, to Sweet-Cheeks before he saw the door at the end of the corridor open.

Simons pointing a gun, “Hands in the air make a move and your dead.”

Scrotum gave a girly scream and spun on the spot panicking. Sweet-Cheeks used his unexpected movements as a distraction, quickly drew her gun and stunned the guard.

Scrotum dived to the ground ass in the air shaking. “Awww...relax honey I stunned him,” Sweet-Cheeks said to him, with a satisfied grin. Slowly he looked back between his legs. He jumped up standing in a pose that he thought was cool, take that you foolish err man, guard, person.”

Sweet-Cheeks rolled her eyes and shook her head, “How is this idiot still alive?” she asked herself not having an answer. “There will be more. I think one must be attempting to hack Lilly. We should go, and maybe you can tell me how they got in?”

Scrotum's eyes suddenly lit up, “There’s a door in the cargo bay!” he said.

Sweet-Cheeks shook her head again “Right... think Scrotum, are there any other guns on board? Mine is now out of power.”

“Yea there’s two hand blasters in the hidden safe.”

“Great where is the safe,” Sweet-Cheeks asked.

“It’s in the cargo bay, behind the woman with blue breasts, push both the nipples at the same time to open it," he said proudly. Sweet-Cheeks rolled her pretty eyes at him again.

“So to get a gun, we need to go into the cargo bay with who knows how many guards around. Then if we aren’t shot on sight, we hope they don’t notice us pushing a blue woman’s nipples?

“Well when you put it like that, it doesn’t sound easy.” Scrotum replied.

“Fine you put the guard's clothes on, and I will take his gun.”

Scrotum looked confused but did as he was told. First taking off the man’s boots then his trousers. He then he grabbed the side of his underwear. “You don’t need the underwear, geez!” Sweet-Cheeks said shaking her head again before she looked at the man’s bulge and a smile spread across her face. “Yeah...take off his underwear!” She said, watching intently.

Meanwhile, Knob was getting more and more annoyed, not only had his Defragmenter failed to take apart the computers AI, but Lilly was replaying the audio of when the woman had pegged his ass over and over. He covered his ears trying not to listen to himself screaming in pain. It was not a memory he wanted to re-live.

What he didn’t know was his defragmenter was fighting and losing to two AI’s that were working well together. The Sips AI and the sex program’s AI. The defragmenter was being run ragged while being bombarded by more adverts for sex toys, fuck sites, and spam than it had ever been hit with. 

In anger, he ripped his equipment from Lilly’s ports and stormed into the Cargobay shouting, “Men, I want this vessel immobilised immediately!" Both Nox and Jose saluted their captain before leaving the ship.

Knob turned and re-entered the corridor, just in time to hear himself groan in orgasm on the replay. He snarled at the computer and raised his blaster to shoot it before he heard the door open.

Walking towards him was a beautiful woman, whose clothes were a little too revealing and a man who was dressed in a guard’s uniform but clearly wasn’t a guard.

Scrotum was limping, the boots were too small, and he was being crushed by the armoured vest. As if on cue he tripped over his own feet and landed face down on the floor. Knob raised his gun “Stay right there you two.”

“Told you this wasn’t going to work,” Scrotum complained to Sweet-Cheeks.

“Well if you weren’t so fat and stupid we could have got a lot closer.” Sweet-Cheeks snarled, hurting Scrotums feelings.

Knob took out his I-pad marc 187b. (Yes Microsoft still outsell all other pads and phones, and now like a virus has spread throughout the galaxy.) He brought up the image of the dead woman that had been sent for biorecognition. He looked at it then glanced at the woman. Smiling awkwardly before showing the picture to his two captives, asking, “Is this you?”

Sweet-Cheeks answered quickly “Yes,” followed by a “no” from Scrotum.

“That’s me,” Sweet-Cheeks said putting on a huge cheesy fake smile. Scrotum looked up at Sweet-Cheeks, then to Knob. He put a lopsided smile on his face and started nodding uncontrollably.

Knobs eyes narrowed, “Why were you scanned as dead.”

“I was asleep,” Sweet-Cheeks said.

“She was unconscious,” Scrotum said at the same time.

“Banged my head,” Sweet-Cheeks added.

“Got drunk,” Scrotum said at the same time.

“Too many cocktails,” Sweet-Cheeks said giving Scrotum the evil eye.

“We shared a bottle of rum,” Scrotum said again in time with Sweet-Cheeks.

“We had sex!” Sweet-Cheeks blurted out quickly before Scrotum could think of anything to say.

“Did we?” scrotum asked.

“Yes, it was incredible, wasn’t it Scrotie?”

A big smile formed on Scrotums face, “Was it?”

”Oh for the love of god!” Sweet-Cheeks thought to herself. “Yes it was fucking fantastic, we fucked all night.” She said out loud.

“Wow! I fucked a beautiful girl!” Scrotum proudly stated. “Wish I could remember it,” he whispered to himself, but loud enough that Knob and Sweet-Cheeks both heard him.

Knob was standing there a look of disbelief etched on his face. “You really fucked this guy?” he asked not believing any woman would.

Sweet-Cheeks shook her head giving up the pretence, “No I didn’t.” she then turned and eyed Scrotum “And I never will! Useless fucking moron!”

The smile faded from Scrotums face as for the second time Sweet-Cheeks had hurt his feelings.

“Do you want to fuck?” Sweet-Cheeks suddenly asked Knob, surprising him, “I need a release in a real bad way, and I really don’t want to fuck this guy.”

Knob thought about his sexless marriage. He eyed up the beautiful woman in front of him he suddenly really wanted a shag.

Sweet-Cheeks slowly and seductively walked up to him. Scrotum stared not believing what was happening. He watched them kiss and then without warning Sweet-Cheeks brought her knee up as hard as she could catching Knob right in the, well, knob.

Knob fell like a tonne of bricks, gasping in pain unable to move while Sweet-Cheeks took the gun out from behind her and tried to stun him the gun didn’t fire. In frustration, she hit him over the head with it, and Knob fell unconscious as he crashed to the floor.

Scrotum smiled, he hadn’t wanted to see Sweet-Cheeks fuck Knob, though he probably would have enjoyed watching.

Sweet cheeks looked at the blaster, “it doesn’t work.”

“I know this one,” Scrotum stated proudly, “Imperial weapons can only be fired by someone in the Imperium, there are DNA readers in all their weapons.”

“And you didn’t think to tell me!” Sweet-Cheeks shouted not believing Scrotum hadn’t told her that.

“I didn’t know you were going to use it,” Scrotum argued back.

“Why would I take it, if I wasn’t going to use it.”

Scrotum opened his mouth to argue back, then closed it again. He hadn't thought of that.

Sweet-Cheeks slowly started to calm down. She swore at Scrotum a few times, but he didn’t mind, and he had been called worse. “We should get out of here,” Sweet-Cheeks finally said, she was still breathing heavily and looked hot and flushed to Scrotum. “Can you take me to the space station in the Bosomy system? I think there is someone who can help me there.”

“Err… yes, my ship can do that, but it will take a few days.”

“You get the ship ready for departure before we leave we'll drop Knob and his guards off,” Sweet-Cheeks ordered as she walked back to her room.

“Where are you going?” Scrotum asked.

“It been a long day, I’m going to fuck myself sore, and if I find out you watched, I will kick you out of the airlock on route!”

With that, she turned and left Scrotum not knowing whether to smile or be ashamed. (Of course, he smiled.)