Adam hands me the pregnancy test and a package of mini blueberry muffins. I set the muffins aside and look in his eyes as I grab the test and exit the car. I don't say a word, but he nods in understanding, sitting back and drinking his morning coffee, eating--of all things--some mini donuts while I enter the store. I go to the counter first, asking if I may use their restroom. The guy behind the counter says that usually it's for employees only, but if I buy something, then I can have the key. I hold up the test and the receipt, pointing to Adam's car outside, and the clerk hands it over to me.

I head to the back of the store and unlock the restroom. It's one of those family restrooms with everything in one room, no stalls, and is very cramped. There is almost no space between the toilet and the sink, but there is a lock on the door from the inside and I use it, not trusting the clerk worth a damn.

I open the box and take the thing out, and read the directions. Pretty basic: take it out, piss on it, wait a couple minutes. If the little strip is blue, then I'm pregnant. If it's not... I'm not.

I follow the directions to a T and wall sit, crossing my fingers for the opposite reason most hopeful moms do. I cross them and squeeze them so tight they go white and hurt when I uncross them. I check my phone for the time and push myself off the wall. My heart beats hard within my chest cavity and my face takes on a faint sheen of sweat. I am almost dizzy with anxiety as I look down at the test...

It's blue.

I shove it back in the box, flush the toilet, wash my hands and exit the restroom, tossing the key at the clerk and quickly making my way to the car. The door is open for me and I can only guess that Adam saw the look on my face and thought a small act of chivalry would make me smile a bit, but it doesn't. I'm just tired, and as I slide into his car, I secure my seatbelt and lay my head against the cool glass window, closing my eyes. My breath leaves me in a rush like I wish I could leave my reality.

Adam nudges something towards me and when I open one eye, I see the muffins. I shake my head.

"I'm not hungry."

I have an upset stomach and my heart aches and the child in me just wants to curl in a ball and cry until Garrett gets here to take me home. The adult in me just sits there with my eyes squeezed shut waiting for Adam to start driving to the station. He doesn't.

"Philena, you have to eat." I shake my head, but he continues, "What are you going to talk to Boss about?"

My anxiety spikes, but I'm playing the part of an adult--afterall, I'll be counted as one in two days time--so I look at him. I glance at his eyes, but am unable to look him in the eye. If I do, I will not be able to say what I'm going to say. It's only a portion of what I'm going to talk to Boss about, but it's the most recent, difficult thing. I swallow hard before answering him, "My stepfather is..." I swallow again and try to breathe slowly, "...he's the father."

My eyes close and a lump of shame and painful memories forms in my throat. I look down at my hands in my lap, fingers twisting of their own will. I didn't realize I was doing anything. Must be a nervous habit. A hand lands on my shoulder and I shudder, but I don't jerk away like child me would do. A single finger lifts my chin so I must look at him and Adam meets my eyes.

"You won't believe me, but it's not your fault. People will whisper and they'll blame you, but it's not your fault. Boss may seem heartless with some of her questions for you, she may seem like she doesn't believe you, she may seem like she's blaming you, but it's not your fault. Okay?" He removes his finger and I nod, swallowing hard. I will not cry like child me. I will be strong and I will be brave and I will tell Boss everything if she wants me to. Anything to get me away from Stepmonster. He turns towards the steering wheel and we head off to the station. I eat my breakfast on the way there.

***

"Ready?"

We are parked at the back of the station just like last time and he's waiting for me. I gather my nerve and give an affirmative nod and we exit the car. He opens the door for me and I step into the clean hall. It's cooler in here than outside, air conditioned, and I shiver a little. The little shiver starts my trembling and by the time we get to Boss' office, I'm in full-blown panic mode.

I look to Adam and he places his hand on my shoulder again in a small, reassuring gesture as he knocks on the door.

"Who wants in now? I'm busy!" Boss' reply is so disgruntled and unexpected that I have to cover my mouth with my hand--it makes me laugh. Adam shoots me a look, but it just makes me laugh more. Am I hysterical? Is that what this is? Well, it's fun anyway. It's been a while since I laughed so much. My stomach hurts and so do my cheeks.

"Hello? I don't have all day! Liechent, is that you?" Adam leads hysterical me over to a chair around the corner and goes back to the door.

"Sorry Boss! Yes, it's me... and Philena." I breathe deeply in and out, the knowledge that I'll be talking to Boss in a little bit about everything in my past and present halting my laughter.

"I told you she could go to the front like everyone else--Liechent, I didn't say you could come in!" Adam opens the door and beckons me inside.

"I'm sorry, Boss, but this kind of thing I trust only you with."

I look at Adam, then bite my lip, waiting for Boss to speak to me.

"Alright, what is it, Xanderson?"

I look up and do something I never do--I look her straight in the eye. And I reply.