"Hello, boy."

"Woof." It's Twink, actually.

"Here, boy."

"Woof. Woof." Watch it, stranger. Don't go getting familiar. I need to check you out first, give you a good sniffing and...

"C'mon, boy. Come here."

"Woof. Woof." What's with the orders? I don't think I like your attitude. This is MY neighborhood and I'm a double-hard Jack Russel. So behave or I'll...

"Come on. Come here, you little..."

"Woof. Woof. Woof." Right. That's it. I warned you. Now have some of THIS.

"Ouch! Shit! Get off, you crazy..."

Some folks just won't be told, they try it on and have to learn the hard way. That's OK though, I like dishing it out. I've been a top dog for years now and I'm planning on staying that way. Even the Rots around here keep their distance from me, they should do, they know what I'm capable of.

"Twinkie. Twinkie. Stop it. Stop it!"

That's Girl Child calling me off, she's Mum's kid so I better do as she says.

"Naughty, Twink. That's naughty."

"Naughty? That dog's completely out of control."

"Woof. Woof. Woof." You ain't seen nothing yet, mate.

"He gets excited."

"Woof. Woof." Don't I just?

"Vicious, more like."

"Woof. Woof. Woof." That was just for show, I could have ripped your leg open if I wanted. One word from Girl Child and I'll...

"He's harmless really. He's only little."

"Woof. Woof." Ain't she sweet? I loves her.

"Yeah... Well... Try and keep him under control."

"Woof. Woof. Woof." HA ha. Too late, mate. I got your number... You loser.

"He should be on a leash."

"Woof. Woof." Yeah, yeah. Come on, Girl Child. Time to go home. I'm hungry and I noticed Mum's got you sausages for tea. I'm counting on you to slip me a couple.

"I'm sorry about your trousers. I hope he didn't..."

"Forget it. He's off again. You'd better..."

"Twinkie, come back!"

"Woof. Woof." Come on, Girl Child. Race you through the park.

I might be little and I might be getting old, but I can still give Girl Child the run around. She's sweet and all that but she doesn't have a clue about dogs or life on the streets. She wouldn't last five minutes around here - not without old Twink watching her back.

"Twink, slow down... Slow down."

"Woof. Woof." Move it, girl. Move it!

"Heel, Twink. Heel."

"Woof. Woof." OK, kid. Just for you. She's out of breath already!

"Good boy, Twinkie. Good boy."

"Woof. Woof." See? I ain't crazy.

" Walkies, Twink. Let's walkies home."

"Woof. Woof. Woof." She thinks she's in charge, God bless her.

Everything's cool though. Because as far as I'm concerned, life is all about family. Girl Child is family and so is her sister. Mum is family too of course, and Dad?... Dad runs the motor and spends most of his time playing with stuff in the shed. Him and me have an understanding of sorts, that's what top dogs do, not all battles need to be fought, not if you want to keep a nice, happy family...

"Meow." Hi, dog. Good walk?

"Woof." Yeah, cat. I sorted some creepy stranger out good and proper.

"Meow." You're nuts.

"Woof." Oh yeah? But I'm family, so watch it.

"Meow." We're all family here.

"Woof. Woof."

Twink xxx