Doesn't come to school, stays home sick. I'm there, sitting in the seat, next to the one she would usually be in. Don't think about it I tell myself, but how do you not think and wonder and worry about a friend who is getting herself too deep into a deadly situation? She is quite literally skin and bones and the best I can do is offer a stupid piece of pizza. What the hell kind of good is that doing? Plus, while doing that, you know what happens? I get questioned about how much I really care about her. Her girlfriend (now, this is amidst another conversation with her, another issue, but you need not know about it) actually tried to say that I didn't give a rat's ass because I'm consistently sweeping Trixi's problem's under the rug and I'm not. How the hell am I supposed to know what's going on if she says nothing? How am I supposed to realize that she passed out in school (because she's not eaten for days) and that's why she isn't in class? How am I supposed to know she's had another episode, if she doesn't tell me? I'm not a fucking mind reader! Sometimes, I wish I were because then I could tell when something's going on (but then I realize how many nasty comments I could hear and forget about it). Maybe I'm just rambling here, but you know, it feels good to ramble, I'll get to a story or something now though, that way I'm not just talking, I'm actually telling you something you want to hear.

***

She believes me when I say I'm sick, and I guess that's good- for my sake, then I don't hear from that voice, telling me I'm getting fatter with every bite I take. I want to have some of that yummy veggie pizza over there, some of that delicious, stringy-cheese veggie pizza, but look at that grease dripping onto the plate. Drip drip drip. It's disgusting how someone could let themselves eat that and get as fat as I am. No, no I'm not fat. Yes you are, you're a fat cow. Look at those cheeks of yours, they're so squishy. Jiggling with fat. Those hips, so wide. Fat.. fat.. fat...




The bell rings and I'm saved yet again from the voice and food. For now, I can lose weight, get skinny, be pretty. Be skinny... skinny... skinny...