pouty lips

twinkling eyes

years ago

you gave me butterflies...

You walked up to me at out middle school. I'd had quite a crush on you since a couple years before. Your lips were peachy pink, moist because you'd just licked them nervously. Your eyes were smiling at me even if your teeth were biting your bottom lip.

You open your mouth, with those perfect teeth, and spoke to me- me. I looked around a bit, wondering if you were looking and talking to someone else, but no- you were talking to me. I was wearing baggy hand-me-downs from my sister, my hair was held back in a plain ponytail and you walked up and talked to me.

"It is 'Philena', right?" you asked, putting extra emphasis on the 'ee'.

"Yeah; Philena Xanderson."

"Philena... would you like to catch a movie some time... with me?"

A blush heated your cheeks and I smiled reassuringly, "Sure, when?"

You stuttered for a second, your blush deepening, then you answered, "How about tomorrow night? Then you could stay over at my place for the night."

I knew there was something up, but agreed. We exchanged phone numbers so I could call when I knew yes or no. You beamed at me and scampered off to class and I turned toward my locker, wondering about whether you were right in the head or not.

Cut to summer. We'd been dating eight months. You asked me out at the movies and, of course, I said yes. In the park there's a shed we'd made into our own place. There was a bed- an air mattress, queen-sized- one of those tall lamps with 6 different colors of light, and a small bedside table with our essentials. Occasionally, we'd both lie to our parents and rather than staying at your house, we'd stay at the shed. It was really rather cozy.

One day, two years into our relationship, we were spending the day there, making out like normal couples do. Your fingers were getting a little wandery and the night before, Stepmonster had been a bit rough. I was enjoying you and you were enjoying me... until you hit that one tender spot.

I whimpered in pain and I knew- it was all over now.

"What's wrong?" you asked, backing away even when I clearly wanted you to stay and hold me.

"I- um... that spot's tender," I replied, but I wouldn't meet your innocent eyes.

"Why?" You touched me again and I cried out- not in pain, but rather in pleasure so great it bordered on pain, rolling through me like a tsunami.

"I..." I panted, "...last night was rough." I bit my lip and waited for you to walk out the door, but you didn't.

"What did that Monster do to you, Phi-Phi? C'mon, you can tell me."

You held me then, under those warm, flannel covers while I trembled and cried and told you how he kicked and punched me, bruising everywhere he could reach, then dropped his pants and, throwing me like a sack of potatoes to the ground, fucked me like a lifeless love doll. I was in so much pain, I slept on the floor afterward. Now, I don't even remember the reason for his brutality.

"You have to tell someone," you whispered through your tears.

"I can't." I whimpered.

That was it. You said you had to go and out the door you went.

The next day you had joined Alexa. Thanks, I love you too, Evangeline.