Thump…. Thump.... Thump…Thump.

If only my heart could beat a little quieter, a little slower or maybe, just fucking maybe, stop altogether. Maybe, just maybe they wouldn’t hear me, with any luck, my footsteps would be gone, my existence washed away with the rain and any possible scent long flooded down the drain. I shook from both cold and shock, I couldn’t see anything and I was overwhelmingly glad of the subtle fact, rain pelted down torrentially, but I heeded its wrath, although it soaked through the earth towards me, like it wouldn’t release me of its icy grip so easily.

So I shuddered, shivered and shook so hard my teeth would chatter loud enough to be able to hear over the damn rain. In fact, it was only the pure instinct of survival that kept them so tightly clenched, so much that it actually caused me pain, my gums bleeding slightly, just enough for me to taste the metallic smell of the world around me. Blood, Human blood, in fact...Crimson, red rose, luscious and full, thick and watery, it dripped from me, tainting the clear droplets of water that hung reluctantly on my bare arms and legs various shades of pinks and reds. Never clear for long.

My breathing was shallow and quick. I could hardly let myself breathe, but it wasn’t the cold that was tightening like an iron ring around my chest, it wasn’t the fact that in this small cave that I resided, surround by dumped rubbish and earth, there wasn’t any room to breathe. My legs were tightly compacted into my chest and my chin tucked painfully deep into my ribs. It was the fact that breathing made sound, so my mind factored a simple equation of survival. More breathing equals more chance of being killed. No, I wasn’t afraid of the rain, I wasn’t afraid of the cold; I liked both those things actually and with what seemed like 100 ounces of adrenaline pumping through my body, I barely even noticed them. I was only listening for one, maybe two things.

I barely noticed the blood flowing from my gunshot wound.

I didn’t feel the searing pain.

I barely noticed the creek rising, its icy water now lapping at my feet ominously.

All I could hear was the thump of my heart and I wanted it to shut the fuck up.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

Then I heard them, footsteps, thumping along the top of my earth bound chamber, dirt crumbled and washed into my eyes. I squeezed them shut, the brown-orange grit collecting on my glasses. I could feel them, each movement giving off the tiny vibrations that my earthen chamber and my bare back detected, my shirt long ago torn and ripped, only hung on me as a rag. My mouth opened in a silent scream, only no sound came out. None could. I opened my eyes and saw them….and they all held knives dripping with my own blood. The thumping now came from his boots and dirt eroded down onto me and the entrance of my rubbish cave.

I could see all their shadows clearly, I wanted to shut my eyes, but it was like I was already disconnected from my body. I was literally frozen in fear. A voice called out, making me tense, even though I expected it, it still shocked me and even against the pouring rain I could hear its cold monotonous, mocking tone. My whole body shook, no longer from cold, but from pure fiery anger. It called out again, sharper, louder and even though its tone was even, I could tell he was pissed.

“Come out; Come out, wherever you are.”

My eyes stung, silt getting in them from the water that seemed to be coming from every available direction. I hugged myself and heard a loud THUMP outside where I hid, I didn’t have to look to know they had found me and suddenly, a horrifying thought came across me. I couldn’t move, I had burrowed so deep that it was impossible, there was no other way out.

There was no way out.
Death would be my only and final escape.

If there was one certain fact left in the world, it was that, without a single doubt, they were going to kill me, maybe rape me; Torture me…and I knew why. I shook my head fiercely, my teeth gritting, pain erupted from my mouth, my arms, my lungs and then I took breath, knowing it would be my last and final ever. The water rose up to my neck and I felt rough hands drag me under its ebony frothing surface, which left me to hear my heart beating and nothing else. Dark water tossed frantically around me, sucking my coat from me like the skin of a dead rabbit, leaving me once more to the ominous beat of my heart and the feeling of rough hands holding me down in the dark, murky water.

Thump. Thump.Thump.Thump.Thump.Thump.Thump.Thump.Thump.Thump.

I wish I'd never gone down that road.