When I was a kid my mom told me storiesabout battles between Angels and Demons and how this one Heroic angel gave his life to say his wife and child from an evil , evil demon and I remember always thinking I wish that was my daddy... or something dumb like that, that all kids with one parent thinks, I use to draw pictures of him this heroic angel-like figure and I'd draw him holding me and my moms hand, like we were all one family. But like everything else, it was just a little kid fantasy I wished would become my reality.
I use to tell my best friend that all the time too, his name was Zander and he was my best friend till I was about 10. One day in the summer when me and Zander were both 10 we were just lounging around the house playing silly games like we always did. Its hard to remember but I went to go get some juice boxes from my kitchen and when I got to the kitchen I heard the front door slam open and my mom scream at Zander to run... and then there were shots fired and Zander screaming, painfully, fallowed by my mom screaming I ran under the kitchen sink and waited till I heard who ever who had came into my house to leave. I remember seeing a lot of red... hearing a lot of shots.... I remember seeing my moms lifeless body covering Zander.
“ Izzy.” He said struggling to speak.
“ Zander, please...” His eyes faded slowly becoming lifeless “Zander stop it, please... your my best friend.” I pulled his hand and my mothers and held them both in my own until what seemed like hours for the cops to come. I cried for days, I lost my only mommy , and my only best friend in the whole world....
I had so many shrinks , and doctors try to find what was wrong with me, but non of them asked. Instead they asked stupid questions like “how did you feel when you saw them?” And I would say the same thing every time “I felt destroyed and alone... who doesn't” Then they would ask me what I remembered a million times over and over like they couldn't remember what I had said the last time they asked.
Four years later....
It took awhile l for me to get adopted. these two people Gwen and Brian adopted me and I thought they were the coolest people, they made me laugh and didn't ask me about my mom or Zander. But everything changes when your social worker isn't in the room with you. They took me back to there house. It was the ghetto, we lived in government housing or “the projects” we pulled up in front of this building that had two floors on the first floor, outside there was seven doors the top behind a railing was seven more doors with numbers, I assumed these were everyones apartments. I grabbed my two bags out of the trunk and fallowed Gwen and Brian into apartment number 12 as soon as they opened the door the worst smell in the world flooded my nose, it took me back a little.
“ Are you coming in or not orphan?” Brian's voice had changed a lot more since we left the orphanage, it was harsher, almost frustrated.
“ Yes, were can I put my things please?” I wanted to be as nice as possible to them, cause they took me in you know?
“ You can drop them in your room down the hall to the left.” Gwen said while lighting a cigarette. I walked down the hall and to the left to a beaten up door with holes on the outside, I opened the door to find a purple room with two beds on each side, each side in front of each bed was a black dresser, the right side of the room was empty while the other was full of posters and clothes, girls clothes. The walls were old and the rug was black and fuzzy looking. The closet was on the wall that the door was on, which was right in the middle of the room, I opened what seemed like my side of the closet to find that it was empty, I walked over and opened the girls side of the closet to find a small girl hidden behind the clothes that were hanging.
“ Hi, I'm Izzy I guess will be sharing a room?” She flinched back, she seemed so scared. “Why are you scared? I wont hurt you I promise, please come out so we can talk?” I reached my hand out to her slowly and waited as her small hands reached up trembling, grabbing onto mine. I helped her up and we walked over to her bed.
“ Whats your name?” She didn't answer me, not much of a talker I guess. “Well, I have some things to un-pack, do you want to help me?” She nodded her head yes and we walked over to my two suitcases and started un-packing. She found the picture of me and Zander and the teddy my mom had given me.
“ Oh the picture is me and my friend Zander when we were kids, and that teddy bear my mom gave me when I was a little older than you.” She handed me the picture and sat on her bed with the teddy bear. I finished un-packing and I had walked over to sit next to her, she was still holding my teddy bear.
“ Why are you so quiet ? Are you scared? “ She looked up at me and I could see tears in her eyes. Se stood up and walked over to the open door and pointed to all the holes in it, and I watched the tears fall down her eyes. I stood up and walked over and closed the door and walked her back over to her bed. I knew what she was truly pointing to when she pointed out those holes.
“ I wont let that happen to you ok? I'm here now its not going to happen again.” She looked up her eyes looked so pitiful
“ Do...you promise?” She spoke, her voice was so quiet and little it was a struggle to hear, but I got it.
“ Pinky promise” I said with a stupid smile, she smiled at me too. I reached out for a hug and she put out her arms and hugged me.
“ So why don't you talk?” I asked her out of curiosity.
“ I'm scared that I'll make him mad at me.”
“ Who, Brian? Did he put those holes there ?” I started to feel real scared, they seemed so nice at the orphanage, guess things change when your social worker isn't watching huh.
“ Yes he gets angry when he drinks this stinky drink, or when his mouth is on fire.” I laughed.
“ On fire? You mean theres smoke coming out of him?” I said giggling
“ Well yeah but its a stinky smoke that makes everywhere smell real gross thats why I light pretty smelly candles.” I looked around and I noticed on all the shelves and on each dresser there was atleast one candle.
“ Hey are we allowed to get a snack?” I asked “Yeah if were quiet and go to the kid cabinet they don't mind, but only if they don't have company, open the door and listen if you hear people don't go out.”
I opened the door and listened, all I heard was Gwen and Brian laughing at the TV. So I grabbed her hand and we walked down the hall into the kitchen which was right next to the living room.
“ What are you two doing over there?” Gwen asked with the most annoying voice ever, guess that was her real voice not the fake one she used in front of Ms. Taylor.
“ We're just getting a snack and then were going right back into our room.” I said but she just ignored me. I reached into the little cabinet on the left of the microwave that was labeled “kid snacks”. We grabbed some animal crackers and a kool-aid bottle and headed back to our room. But the little girl dropped her kool-aid bottle and it hit the floor and broke open. Brian stood up and said “What the fuck was that !” ans he started over toward us, I handed the little girl mine “Go to our room, now !” I said in an angry whisper. “No!” she whispered back and then I said clearly “Now Bells, I promised remember?” She took one more look at me and headed toward the room.
“ What did you do !” he held standing over me as I tried to clean it up.
“ I spilt my juice I'm sorry I'll clean it up.” I said quietly. He took his hand palm first and smacked me across the face, and thats when reality hit... and everything in me that was good filled with pride and cried out to every bone in my body fight for life or die kissing ass.
I use to tell my best friend that all the time too, his name was Zander and he was my best friend till I was about 10. One day in the summer when me and Zander were both 10 we were just lounging around the house playing silly games like we always did. Its hard to remember but I went to go get some juice boxes from my kitchen and when I got to the kitchen I heard the front door slam open and my mom scream at Zander to run... and then there were shots fired and Zander screaming, painfully, fallowed by my mom screaming I ran under the kitchen sink and waited till I heard who ever who had came into my house to leave. I remember seeing a lot of red... hearing a lot of shots.... I remember seeing my moms lifeless body covering Zander.
“ Izzy.” He said struggling to speak.
“ Zander, please...” His eyes faded slowly becoming lifeless “Zander stop it, please... your my best friend.” I pulled his hand and my mothers and held them both in my own until what seemed like hours for the cops to come. I cried for days, I lost my only mommy , and my only best friend in the whole world....
I had so many shrinks , and doctors try to find what was wrong with me, but non of them asked. Instead they asked stupid questions like “how did you feel when you saw them?” And I would say the same thing every time “I felt destroyed and alone... who doesn't” Then they would ask me what I remembered a million times over and over like they couldn't remember what I had said the last time they asked.
Four years later....
It took awhile l for me to get adopted. these two people Gwen and Brian adopted me and I thought they were the coolest people, they made me laugh and didn't ask me about my mom or Zander. But everything changes when your social worker isn't in the room with you. They took me back to there house. It was the ghetto, we lived in government housing or “the projects” we pulled up in front of this building that had two floors on the first floor, outside there was seven doors the top behind a railing was seven more doors with numbers, I assumed these were everyones apartments. I grabbed my two bags out of the trunk and fallowed Gwen and Brian into apartment number 12 as soon as they opened the door the worst smell in the world flooded my nose, it took me back a little.
“ Are you coming in or not orphan?” Brian's voice had changed a lot more since we left the orphanage, it was harsher, almost frustrated.
“ Yes, were can I put my things please?” I wanted to be as nice as possible to them, cause they took me in you know?
“ You can drop them in your room down the hall to the left.” Gwen said while lighting a cigarette. I walked down the hall and to the left to a beaten up door with holes on the outside, I opened the door to find a purple room with two beds on each side, each side in front of each bed was a black dresser, the right side of the room was empty while the other was full of posters and clothes, girls clothes. The walls were old and the rug was black and fuzzy looking. The closet was on the wall that the door was on, which was right in the middle of the room, I opened what seemed like my side of the closet to find that it was empty, I walked over and opened the girls side of the closet to find a small girl hidden behind the clothes that were hanging.
“ Hi, I'm Izzy I guess will be sharing a room?” She flinched back, she seemed so scared. “Why are you scared? I wont hurt you I promise, please come out so we can talk?” I reached my hand out to her slowly and waited as her small hands reached up trembling, grabbing onto mine. I helped her up and we walked over to her bed.
“ Whats your name?” She didn't answer me, not much of a talker I guess. “Well, I have some things to un-pack, do you want to help me?” She nodded her head yes and we walked over to my two suitcases and started un-packing. She found the picture of me and Zander and the teddy my mom had given me.
“ Oh the picture is me and my friend Zander when we were kids, and that teddy bear my mom gave me when I was a little older than you.” She handed me the picture and sat on her bed with the teddy bear. I finished un-packing and I had walked over to sit next to her, she was still holding my teddy bear.
“ Why are you so quiet ? Are you scared? “ She looked up at me and I could see tears in her eyes. Se stood up and walked over to the open door and pointed to all the holes in it, and I watched the tears fall down her eyes. I stood up and walked over and closed the door and walked her back over to her bed. I knew what she was truly pointing to when she pointed out those holes.
“ I wont let that happen to you ok? I'm here now its not going to happen again.” She looked up her eyes looked so pitiful
“ Do...you promise?” She spoke, her voice was so quiet and little it was a struggle to hear, but I got it.
“ Pinky promise” I said with a stupid smile, she smiled at me too. I reached out for a hug and she put out her arms and hugged me.
“ So why don't you talk?” I asked her out of curiosity.
“ I'm scared that I'll make him mad at me.”
“ Who, Brian? Did he put those holes there ?” I started to feel real scared, they seemed so nice at the orphanage, guess things change when your social worker isn't watching huh.
“ Yes he gets angry when he drinks this stinky drink, or when his mouth is on fire.” I laughed.
“ On fire? You mean theres smoke coming out of him?” I said giggling
“ Well yeah but its a stinky smoke that makes everywhere smell real gross thats why I light pretty smelly candles.” I looked around and I noticed on all the shelves and on each dresser there was atleast one candle.
“ Hey are we allowed to get a snack?” I asked “Yeah if were quiet and go to the kid cabinet they don't mind, but only if they don't have company, open the door and listen if you hear people don't go out.”
I opened the door and listened, all I heard was Gwen and Brian laughing at the TV. So I grabbed her hand and we walked down the hall into the kitchen which was right next to the living room.
“ What are you two doing over there?” Gwen asked with the most annoying voice ever, guess that was her real voice not the fake one she used in front of Ms. Taylor.
“ We're just getting a snack and then were going right back into our room.” I said but she just ignored me. I reached into the little cabinet on the left of the microwave that was labeled “kid snacks”. We grabbed some animal crackers and a kool-aid bottle and headed back to our room. But the little girl dropped her kool-aid bottle and it hit the floor and broke open. Brian stood up and said “What the fuck was that !” ans he started over toward us, I handed the little girl mine “Go to our room, now !” I said in an angry whisper. “No!” she whispered back and then I said clearly “Now Bells, I promised remember?” She took one more look at me and headed toward the room.
“ What did you do !” he held standing over me as I tried to clean it up.
“ I spilt my juice I'm sorry I'll clean it up.” I said quietly. He took his hand palm first and smacked me across the face, and thats when reality hit... and everything in me that was good filled with pride and cried out to every bone in my body fight for life or die kissing ass.
