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TearsOfAnAngel
Over 90 days ago
United States
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Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness....Has never danced in the rain.
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I see the blood all over your hands. Does it make you feel more like a man? Was it all just a part of your plan? The pistol's shaking in my hands...and all i hear is the sound...
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Here is a memory of mine....
Its a Thursday Morning. Its 6:45 am, on October 14th 2010. As I wipe away tears, I began to share my story about missing my daughter....Maybe if I write some of it, some of the pain will leave my aching heart.
My Daughter was Born on, September 4th, 2009, at 830 in the morning. She was a beautiful, healthy baby. Although my pregnancy was a very long one, she was born perfectly healthy. She was the apple of my eye, and she was my world. I Loved her very much, and not a day goes by that I don't think about her, and there is not a day that goes by that I don't miss my beautiful baby girl. She made me the happiest person in the world, and I Love her forever more. She was truly my angel.
Than that dreaded day came by, James was being an ass, he was never around, and I needed a few things from the store, so I figured before it got too late, I would go out and get the things that I needed. Mom was at work, so I had no choice to take my daughter with me. With the intention of going into walmart to pick up a few things, I walked out of there, with a two hundred dollar bill. The guy who helped me out to the car, loaded everything into my car, and gave me a hard time, when I offered to give him a tip.
I put my daughter in her car seat, and fasten my seat belt, and headed back towards home, hoping that mom would be home, to help me unload the car. Sitting at a red light, I looked in the back, and my daughter was fast asleep. She truly was an Angel.
Next thing I remembered I woke up in a hospital room. Unaware of anything that was going on. I see my mom sitting in the chair next to me. Her eyes are all puffy, and red. I remember asking for my Daughter, and she just shakes her head no, and I didn't really understand much. The doctors come back to my room, and give me something for the pain, that puts me right back to sleep.
When I finally woke up again, there were people in the room, James was sitting on the bed with me, holding my hand, he had tears in his eyes, he never cries, mom was still in the same spot where I had seen her the night before. James just holds me hand, and mom comes up on the other side of my bed, and kisses my forehead.
Than, mom tells me, that we were hit by a drunk driver, my Daughter was announced DOA, she did not suffer at all, and it was instant. I am unable to process anything, I have no idea what she is talking about. Drunk driver??? DOA??? Didn't suffer??? Instant??? I cry more, I scream but no words come out. After a short time, it finally hit me....My daughter is dead.
She is gone. How? Why? Why am I still here?? How is she dead, and I am still alive? We were both in the car, I was in the front seat. How did I survive and she didn't? I had so many questions. Its been almost a year since the accident, and I don't have an answer to most of them.
I watched a Movie tonight, it was called "And than there was one" its about a family of three, that discovers they have AIDS, the baby, the father and the mother, and over time, the father and the baby become extremely sick, and eventually die from the disease....
My only comfort in losing my daughter, was I did not have to watch her die, and she did not suffer. She went peacefully. She didn't hurt, and she is not hurting now. She is with angels, and she is doing good. She will never know pain, and suffering, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Tonight, my heart longs for her, and misses her, and I think about her, and I know that she is not suffering, and she is watching over me, and now she truly is my angel.
Its a Thursday Morning. Its 6:45 am, on October 14th 2010. As I wipe away tears, I began to share my story about missing my daughter....Maybe if I write some of it, some of the pain will leave my aching heart.
My Daughter was Born on, September 4th, 2009, at 830 in the morning. She was a beautiful, healthy baby. Although my pregnancy was a very long one, she was born perfectly healthy. She was the apple of my eye, and she was my world. I Loved her very much, and not a day goes by that I don't think about her, and there is not a day that goes by that I don't miss my beautiful baby girl. She made me the happiest person in the world, and I Love her forever more. She was truly my angel.
Than that dreaded day came by, James was being an ass, he was never around, and I needed a few things from the store, so I figured before it got too late, I would go out and get the things that I needed. Mom was at work, so I had no choice to take my daughter with me. With the intention of going into walmart to pick up a few things, I walked out of there, with a two hundred dollar bill. The guy who helped me out to the car, loaded everything into my car, and gave me a hard time, when I offered to give him a tip.
I put my daughter in her car seat, and fasten my seat belt, and headed back towards home, hoping that mom would be home, to help me unload the car. Sitting at a red light, I looked in the back, and my daughter was fast asleep. She truly was an Angel.
Next thing I remembered I woke up in a hospital room. Unaware of anything that was going on. I see my mom sitting in the chair next to me. Her eyes are all puffy, and red. I remember asking for my Daughter, and she just shakes her head no, and I didn't really understand much. The doctors come back to my room, and give me something for the pain, that puts me right back to sleep.
When I finally woke up again, there were people in the room, James was sitting on the bed with me, holding my hand, he had tears in his eyes, he never cries, mom was still in the same spot where I had seen her the night before. James just holds me hand, and mom comes up on the other side of my bed, and kisses my forehead.
Than, mom tells me, that we were hit by a drunk driver, my Daughter was announced DOA, she did not suffer at all, and it was instant. I am unable to process anything, I have no idea what she is talking about. Drunk driver??? DOA??? Didn't suffer??? Instant??? I cry more, I scream but no words come out. After a short time, it finally hit me....My daughter is dead.
She is gone. How? Why? Why am I still here?? How is she dead, and I am still alive? We were both in the car, I was in the front seat. How did I survive and she didn't? I had so many questions. Its been almost a year since the accident, and I don't have an answer to most of them.
I watched a Movie tonight, it was called "And than there was one" its about a family of three, that discovers they have AIDS, the baby, the father and the mother, and over time, the father and the baby become extremely sick, and eventually die from the disease....
My only comfort in losing my daughter, was I did not have to watch her die, and she did not suffer. She went peacefully. She didn't hurt, and she is not hurting now. She is with angels, and she is doing good. She will never know pain, and suffering, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Tonight, my heart longs for her, and misses her, and I think about her, and I know that she is not suffering, and she is watching over me, and now she truly is my angel.
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Lets have a Place where we can share a memory. Weather it be a Happy Memory, or a Sad memory. We all need a Place where we can share a Memory.
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She can't hide no matter how hard she tries, her secret disguised behind the lies. And at night she cries away her pride, with eyes shut tight staring at her inside. All her friends know why she can't sleep at night, all her family asking is she alright. All she wants to do is get rid of this hell, well all she's got to do is stop kiddin herself. She can only fool herself for so long...
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Does this mean, I can have an avatar of me and my daughter?
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I am currently reading "The Pact" by, Jodi Picolut. Its a pretty good. I started it last night.