Well, crap on a stick.

Iconoclastic Canadian Comedian, Norm MacDonald passed away today after a private, nine year battle with cancer.

Many will remember him as the edgy anchor on SNL, possibly their best ever. However, his grandest moment for me was during David Letterman’s final show. Norm was on point, shared some huge gratitude and emotion since Dave kinda gave Norm the exposure he needed to take off. But it’s Norm’s Germany against the world stand up routine he did for David that cemented my admiration for this beautiful talent of a man.

If you’ve not seen that bit, check it out on YouTube.

***

After a very difficult past ten days or so (it’s all a blur without the sleep), today we euthanized someone else’s dog that we were forced to take in and provide care. It was old. It was ill. It was time. I won’t lie; I won’t miss it. It stressed out all of us, including our dogs. It was smelly. It was obese. It was obstinate. It was undisciplined. Zero personality too. All of these the dogs owner’s fault. But dementia is a cruel mistress. The owner will find out later this evening. It’s going to be a tough exchange.

***

An early night cap, please. NyQuil or something stronger. Nudge me if I don’t wake by Friday.

Quote by Molly

Good morning/afternoon for some. I wanted to pop on and give you an update on Bill/Rump. The techs have informed me that they have been in contact with him and are doing what they can to help get him on. Fingers crossed you'll have him back soon. I hope everyone has a great day!

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Quote by verbal

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Quote by Ping

Has anyone asked about or commented on the missing word counts from poems and stories?

I briefly scanned the other posts. I may have missed it. Can anyone see word counts? If so, where are they?

Thanks.

I’ve noticed it but not mentioned it. Estimated read time appears to have taken its place, but I prefer word count for a number (ha!) of reasons. 

Yeah, I'd prefer word count to an estimated time to read.

I'd also love it if they'd tweak line spacing, it's driving me bonkers: more space in paragraph breaks, less space in line breaks (within the paragraph).

Having an icon for RR and EP next to the title would be groovy too.   

We have discussed (across the board) changing it back to the word count in place of the time. Along with having the RR and EP badges back on display and the spacing issues we are having. There are several other things as well. Unfortunately, those are all things that we will have to wait a little bit longer for, at least until all of the technical things get sorted.

Please know, even if it is taking a little longer than we might like to tweak these things, we have not forgotten your concerns.

Thank you all for pointing out the little things (and the big things) and thank you for working with us while we sort things out.

Quote by verbal

Hey, everyone is getting me all wrong about the critique group! It was actually a big vote of confidence, from published writers (I'm kind of the newbie to the group). I was psyched. If anyone cares about the minutia: Chew is in chapters, each chapter has three POVs (it's here on SS in two parts). Their issue is that it's a cumbersome structure - the solution is longer chapters, one POV each. They actually dug all the content, it was about the format. And they noted how rare it was for a title to be a verb. 

Anyway. Not much else going on. Glad 9 frikkin 11 is over. Hate that day.

We are going to an art gallery later today, and then grocery shopping (an activity I quite enjoy for some bizarre reason). Until then: chill. Mets vs. Yankees tonight, which I normally love, but it's on ESPN, meaning I can't watch because I don't have cable. Way to build that fan base, MLB.    

Coffee please!

As a wise writer once told me, if people don’t get what you’ve written, you can’t blame the readers. Best the author have another go. I guess your critique group was correct. By your own admission, we’ve just witnessed first hand your literary shoddiness in this thread. 😆

Glad you feel they liked it. 😜

My trip to the wet market was lucrative. On a totally unrelated note 😉😉, avoid pot stickers for a while. They claim the non-vegetarian meat is some form of porcine, but for the next little while, it just might be fourteen-year-old cocker. Just sayin’. If you travel to Peru, it’s a good chance that pigs of ginny will fill those wee dumplings. But for now, it’s Joe’s last name that does.

Cold today. Rainy. Overcast. Hot chocolate with whip cream may factor into my afternoon.

Later.

Quote by verbal

I fared pretty well in novel critique group. Meaning, they suggest I rewrite EVERYTHING, because they see some structural issues, and various other issues, but they like the characters and they LOVED the world-building (this is essentially the two parter here on SS, Chew). And they loved the title.

So, more work, but they think the general idea is sound. I tend to agree.

That's pretty harsh, man. It's like someone telling you to go back and wipe your butt. Do you really think your writing was that stinky? Me thinks not.

They loved the title?

Sounds like they were searching for something positive to say. I think you need to go 'zilla on their ass. That's too much rejection to reflect the Verbal reality we know. Are any of these, ahem, critics, published authors, in the sense that they've actually made real money?

Sure, listen to their advice but follow your heart. The peer pressure makes it too easy to follow the crowd. It's the YOU that makes YOUR writing good and different. Uniquely yours. Don't get lost in the group think of mediocrity. That crap is everywhere. Ever seen a Marvel movie? I can't believe people actually pay money to get caught up in that crap.

Batman. Good. Ironman. Good. First X-Men. Spiderman. Good. SpiderVerse. Awesome. Good. Black Panther. Damn Good. That rest is pure crap. Your stuff is not regurgitated excrement. Be the artist, not the prostitute. However, if a publisher offers you six or seven figures in exchange for an entire re-write, whore and prostitute your artistic integrity away. 

Grappa, please. The older, the better.

Has anyone asked about or commented on the missing word counts from poems and stories?

I briefly scanned the other posts. I may have missed it. Can anyone see word counts? If so, where are they?

Thanks.

Quote by CuriousAnnie

Root canal ... I dream of root canal. 😕 Not really, just that lets just say I needed a blood transfusion after an emergency C-section Tuesday night. All is good now; baby got stuck and is well despite that, mother is improving 👌 

I am having trouble publishing a poem about late babies (or more accurately one late young man in particular) which I wrote Saturday. Cant work out if it is a bug or that I am stupid... Okay, don't answer that. 

But for all the mums out there I do have a question: How come second children are born? 

Oh Annie, that’s fabulous news. Congrats. Boy or girl?

Bigger question: Are you naming it Verbs or Ping?

But be careful. Tams immaculately conceived a little hybrid VerPing thingie of horror. How awkward  it would be if you two named your young ones the same thing?

Well, I’m off to a wet market in China. I’ve got some business to tend to. Don’t ask but vendors will probably start a bidding war for what I have to offer.

Or to paraphrase Quint, “The taxidermist’s gunna  have a heart attack when he sees what I brought him.”

Go Fernandez Go! 

Bring another Women’s US Open Tennis Championship to Canada for us!

Good weekend to all, especially Sir Rump if you can hear me. Hurry back, as soon as you can.

Hmmm… my worm story, perhaps? How about the doll one I just sent you?

$100 buys a lot of motorcycle kilometres. 

P.S. deodorant and toothpaste. Yummee.

Quote by verbal

Quote by JustAnotherSapphic

I finally have my body pillow so now I can have all the full body snuggles I want. One half of my bed is literally just Jane now.

So, I have a weird story idea. Have you ever thought about what might happen if you woke up and your pillow was alive and you were the pillow! Jane missed you so much she bought a Elyse-pillow for herself! Anyway. Just a thought. Maybe pursue it with someone besides Jane - me falling asleep with a Gillian Anderson pillow, or something similar.

j  

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LBD?

Lewy Body Dementia, I think. Not something you joke about, really.

***

It’s called levity. Stop being a condescending dick.

Anyone who’s dealt with dementia knows how challenging it is. I do. Currently dealing with it too. Moving someone in a supportive care home today. It’s brutal. I also know trying to make someone smile is better than trying to embarrass them or shut them down. Curb your urge. You’re not the woke police, regardless of what you think.

Quote by rolandlytle

Hi, everyone! 🍷

Sorry for my long absence. After the news of my father, My brain was pretty messed up. I had more than a week of bonkers and many bad days after that. I fell and broke a tooth which had to be pulled. I have an irrational fear of dentists, so that was a real struggle. My doctor found a suspicious mole on my neck that I will soon be excised. All of this may seem bad, but the real problem is the progress of my LBD. It has multiplied any real issues. I have had a hard time getting to SS.

My LBD has made the transition to the new site difficult. My whole life runs on a set schedule and routine. Dealing with change is difficult, yet I am trying to get used to the new format.

I have sorely missed your companionship in my daily life. I continue reading your stories, though slowly.

BTW, I have shaved off my rather large 'Santa Clause' like beard, and my youngest grandson took almost a week before he recognized me. It was pretty funny seeing everyone's reaction to the appearance of my face. I certainly hope it was not fear or disgust. 😀

I hope you all stay healthy and happy. ❤

LBD?

Little Black Dress?

Years ago, I helped a friend write a sexy story about some F.M. Pumps and an LBD. 

Let’s all take a moment to envision our friend Roland, clad in the above, with and then without his Santa beard. A lovely juxtaposition.

Cold brew for Papa Ping, please. Decaf. I don’t want my mind to wander off more than it should.

Good to hear from you, ahem, Santa Rollie.

BTW, totally off topic. Queen Liz and her recently passed hubby/cousin, shared the same great grandfather. This better explains the disproportionate size of princely Charles’ dumbo ears. Not a fan.

Ping, out.

Quote by Grace_just_Grace

Quote by Ping

Iconoclastically incorrigible or just a silly dumb ass...

out of curiosity, are they mutually exclusive?

Ballet shoes, a light weight tent sans fly, and moto mechanical attachments on the agenda today. You are most welcome in advance for the image that that may have brought you.

Coffee to go, please. Pronto. Daddy Ping must stay ahead of the law.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Weird morning. First day of school. It’s strange hugging my thirteen year old son, who is now officially taller than me, before sending him out the door. My eleven year old daughter refers to me as father, with a slight nasally, valley girl tone. I like it.

Woke to a puppy kennel full of diarrhea. Ugh. One pup has had digestive issues for three days, but only between the hours of midnight and five am. And I’m the dude on doody duty. Poor thing. I’ve got to reverse engineer her gastrointestinal journey to see where I need to intervene.

My cancer removal scar is looking pretty good. Stitches came out smooth. Maybe my dog sensed it and that’s why she’s gastro-stressed. Yah, that’s it.

Site is coming along nicely. Sadly, we’ve lost a few people due to the format changes. One person told me the changes “Suck Ass.” I do hope they return when the ass sucking stops. But that story is for a different site.

I hope all are doing well. 

Texas sucks ass. Hurricanes suck ass. Over wokeness and historical revisionism suck ass. The Pope and the Catholic Church suck ass for murdering, covering up, and denying their neglectful and murderous antics of thousands of First Nation children in Canada. COVID and it’s now fourth wave suck ass. But this site will soon for some not ‘suck ass’. Hopefully, just the ass kissing will return and remain. 🧐😉

Off to tend to the puppies. Nothing much worse than an ill child or a sick pet.

Have a good day everyone.

Lots. Keep going. Keep tweaking. It’s moving in a wonderful direction.

The attached link highlights the top seventeen supposedly in the running. I’ll dearly miss Daniel Craig. He was phenomenal. But who will grab the reigns and make Bond their own?

https://apple.news/AGwmOpr2jQVm2BT5cplwsHA

Will it be a Jane Bond?

I love Idris. Great actor and has swashbuckling, debonair, smouldering good looks. But he’s too old. The Bond family will want an actor that’ll be good for five or more pictures.

My guess and hope is that it’ll be between that Bodyguard (he was amazing; won an Emmy) dude or Mr. Fifty Shades. Both men check all the boxes. 

What do you think? Who do you want as the next Bond?

“Dad, Dad, look! I bought some handcuffs!”

How do I respond to my eleven-year-old daughter after she greets me like that when I get home?

Some iced tea, please. Sweet tea if you prefer. I’ve smuggled in my own limoncello for the summer kicker.

Handcuffs. SMH.

Quote by verbal

Hey everyone.

It's No Talia Wednesday. Gonna teach the cats how to whistle.

Also, lunch with a daughter.

My story about the girl in the dog park sucks. Wah. Not gonna even bother to edit it.  I finished it. Sometimes you've gotta know when to throw em back in the pond. I'll try a story about magpies today.

Coffee and seven iced oatmeal raisin cookies (thanks Sara!) please.

I just bought a slingshot and hard foam balls to chase them away from the lawn furniture. They’ve been pulling out the stuffing in our older chairs.

Maybe a story about how they collected and saved everything people have thrown at them, for the day they exact revenge, and kill that person under the weight or suffocation of those items. Good premise. And, we’ll, there it is.

Killer Recycling Magpies - When going green turned everything mean.

Lots going on in PingVille.  Won’t bore y’all with the details except that I did have a basil carcinoma removed. Scalpel to the face. Stitches under the eye. I’ll now have a scarrr. I can officially do pirate jokes with the look of authenticity. Hopefully, the dermatologist got all the cancer. TBD.

Another week and the kids are back in school. Same COVID protocols as before. Excellent compromise for keeping our youngest citizens in a classroom. Our educational system have done a fantastic job keeping everyone safe. But we now enter the era of vaccers vs non-vaccers. It’s already getting divisive and ugly.

Good day for a ride. Sunny. Temperate. No wind. A good chili dog should cure that.

Later…

I didn’t want to, because I knew it was depressing, but I watched Nomadland. It was as expected. But I watched because Francis M. is an incredible actor. I love her to bits. Someday, I want to see her to go Kathy Bates crazy in a movie. A hammer to the tied ankle would be delightful.

Next Up: The new Mortal Combat with the boy. We’ll take turns screaming, “MOR-TAL COM-BAT!”

I did so to test the submission process. It was smooth but still some bugs to work out. Picture gets narrowed and text is blurry. No copyright info. Fewer editing options including not showing a preview, edit, or save function. It’s submit only. No choice for title removed from cover picture. No notification that the submission was sent to be reviewed and verified.

I suspect this stuff will eventually be addressed. One thing at a time.

Story just got posted. Tags were not included, which for some stories, are very important queues to the reader. The tags were not displayed on the copy that was sent to me awaiting verification. I'd hoped the tags would show up once verified, but they were not.

In addition, the spacing between lines in text box when adding body of story needs better definition (more between paragraphs). Space between lines in paragraph versus between paragraphs seems to be the same, or at least it did, when I submitted the story from my phone. In this post, there is a little more space between the paragraphs that the lines within. This last paragraph, I double spaced between it and the paragraph above, just for reference.

Good Morning!

I just submitted another flash fiction story for Tam’s Challenge to test the SS 2.0 story submission process. Some things missing. Some bugs to work out. Submission was smooth. The bugs will get addressed.

Coffee to go, please. I have a haunting to do this evening. Lots of preparation still required. New screamer on staff. We’ve got to work on her shrills. The blood splatter machine clogged again. Damn coagulants.

Later…

I just submitted another story for Tam’s challenge. There was no limit. 👍

I did so to test the submission process. It was smooth but still some bugs to work out. Picture gets narrowed and text is blurry. No copyright info. Fewer editing options including a preview, edit, or save function. It’s submit only. No choice for title removed from cover picture. No notification that the submission was sent to be reviewed and verified.

I suspect this stuff will eventually be addressed. One thing at a time.

***

With respect to the adult site, heads will explode. I suspect this is the format (similar to the mobile attempt that looked similar to this) that is intended for its update. The bugs found here during this transition will help with the other to make the transition smoother. As we were informed, change behind the screen scene is needed.

Fortunately, with respect to the format changes, this site is not-for-profit and has fewer members. SS is the canary in this changeover coal mine. So far, so good. The needed fixes will be made. It’ll be a little bumpy along the way, but if you wear your gas mask, SS will see the light at the end of that tunnel.

I just submitted another story for this challenge. There was no limit. 👍

I did so to test the submission process. It was smooth but still some bugs to work out. Picture gets narrowed and text is blurry. No copyright info. Fewer editing options including a preview, edit, or save function. It’s submit only. No choice for title removed from cover picture. No notification that the submission was sent to be reviewed and verified.

I suspect this stuff will eventually be addressed. One thing at a time.

"Woof!" to borrow a funny phrase from a funny man from a now highly offensive, but still funny movie. Anyone know any of those answers? That last answer is Blazing Saddles. Can you imagine that being proposed to be made today? LOL

Took a while to find my way, but it's looking pretty nice. Clean. Less cluttered. Modern. Stuff like that there. I'm sure there will be a few hiccups, but that's how the cyber cookie crumbles. Tech is not for the weak of heart. Hackers have no pulse. LOL

Egad. Came home a day early from camping. Rain. Cold. Woke up to - 1 C with rain forecasted for five days. We wuz outta there. I've now returned to my beloved motorcycles and their heated grips. Sure. Sure. There is something phallic and homoerotic about heated grips, but I don't care. They keep my black leather-clad fingers warm. My upper carcass is warmed by my black leather jacket. Hmm... maybe I should get some black leather ass-less chaps. Riding might be a bit cold in October, you know, with things hanging out and flopping in the cool breeze. You are all most welcome for that delightful image.

Patience. The site is looking marvey. They dun real good. We'll figure it out. I had an x-rated metaphor here, but removed it. We'll just need to work together to find it. ;)

A mochaccino with a blast of something a little stronger, please. Later gaters.

Quote by rolandlytle
Hi my friends.

I have been off my rocker for a few days but started feeling better last night. I am falling so far behind on my reading. Please accept my apology.

I love my father, but he believed in so many of the right-wing conspiracies like Covid-19 was a hoax. So he did not get the vaccine. Last week he got sick. He would not go to the doctor because he did not think it was serious. My sister and her husband, who live with my father, made him go to the hospital on Sunday night with labored breathing and a fever. When they arrived My sister and her husband had their temperatures taken to get in the hospital and found out they both had fevers too. All three were tested and were positive for Covid-19. Last night my father died of Covid-19. My sister and her husband both had their vaccines. My sister still has a slight fever and a sore throat and her husband no longer has any symptoms. Next week I will be going to Charlotte, NC with my family for his funeral.

I am heartbroken and upset. I can not help but think my father threw his life away because of the lies he listened to and believed.

Until I return from the funeral, I will not be writing much, but I will try to read some. I am sure that reading your stories will help keep me sane for the next two weeks.

Death is a part of life, just like birth, happiness, love, and tragedy.

Till later. Be safe, happy, and continue being the great people you are.

Laughter is healing, so remember; chameleons who can not change color are suffering from reptile dysfunction.