The moment when you're so tired in class, formulas and calculations morph together into a mess of nonsensical numbers and letters.
Scheiße...my shift doesn't start for another hour and I'm falling asleep already.
I have another story to write that just formed in my mind....
Her smile and her beautiful voice
On my mind is the wish and hope that this country of ours learns to hate less. Kindness is best. Really.
Sigh. I am thinking about what my day is going to be like tomorrow. I am hoping it will be good. Fingers crossed.
A company can be split into two categories: The bosses and the workers. Now, I'm not talking about the bosses as people like managers and team leaders, I'm talking about those way up there in the boardrooms. Us and them, kinda thing. 'Us' being the workers, from the workers point of view, and 'them' being the tower-dwelling bosses, from the workers point of view.
Generally, people work for a company because they like what they see. What they see, you see, isn't always what is really happening. Nobody really knows what they're working for. Not those at the bottom, anyway. Heck, not even those at the middle do. The 'top' is like a secret society, ruled by heirs and kept 'in the family', even if that family isn't connected by blood.
This is how governments are run, this is how charities are run, and it's all about money. Money is power. You can do anything with enough money, and almost everyone has their selling point. That is, almost everyone will do a certain thing for a certain amount of money. Like some people will simply keep a secret in exchange for enough money to keep themselves and their family fed, sheltered and clothed. Some have a higher price, but you do get the odd, rare one, who doesn't have a price. Who won't put their honour on the line for something so silly as money.
Now, don't get me wrong, money is great when you have it, and a millstone when you don't, but it isn't the be-all and end-all of everything. Sure, I can sit here in bed typing this and be happy that I can because I have money and the means to make it, but if I didn't have the means to make money, do you seriously think that I'd just languish? Maybe for a time, but there's only so much languishing one can do before they reach breaking point. Or maybe that's just me.
So, you go to work for a company. You pick them based on what you believe they're about, but you don't really see what's going on in the boardrooms. Do you care? Probably not. Should you? That's up to you. The fact is, people like that run our world. People like that are what's wrong with this world, and why it's so money-oriented. Do you honestly think that the CEO of [insert name of charity/government/company] is really giving a shit about the [insert 'issue' here]? No, they don't. They want your money, and they want it for themselves. They're corrupt and they use your money as bribes. Some of it sees the 'cause', but most of it just lines the pockets of 'them'.
And yet, we still give to 'charity'. We still believe that our politicians are nice people with our best interests at heart, and we still believe that the 'small' companies really are small. We are blind, we are sleeping. It's time to wake up, humans.
I know I need to continue forward...but I lack any sight or goal to push me to do so. I don't know what I want.
"Fall is the source of my victory
As there's no force without a fight
So let me stride on this path that will lead me to the end
Of a twisted life, that stands before my eyes"
New story ideas. Food. Christmas.
I'm not gonna lie...I've been pretty depressed lately. I lost my love, I'm terrified for my future, and I don't like at all where my life is right now. Suicide has been on my mind on a regular basis now; I think about it (don't usually feel suicidal, but the thoughts come to me) every few days now. Here's the thing though...here are the chances of certain things happening if I kill myself:
Finding love again: 0%
Making a smartass remark that makes my friends laugh: 0%
Seeing Eluveitie live: 0%
Moshing: 0%
Getting euphoria from music: 0%
Snuggling with my cat: 0%
Beating Dark Souls: 0%
Playing Mass Effect Andromeda: 0%
Seeing my online friends in person (funeral doesn't count): 0%
Getting jolly shitfaced: 0%
Wearing a kilt in public: 0%
Cuddling with a lover (funeral still doesn't count): 0%
Hurting the people I love more than anything else in this goddamn world: 100%
"Fall is the source of my victory
As there's no force without a fight
So let me stride on this path that will lead me to the end
Of a twisted life, that stands before my eyes"
Thinking of my travels over the summer. I need more road trips with my sister and best friend.
I need a passport as well.
Just a general sense of sadness. Need to work myself out of this as it won't seem to lift by itself.
Writing, writing and more writing. Hoping to crack a story but can't seem to get started.
When is the next competition?!
Christmas Panic. I haven't even started Shopping! I have no idea what to get anyone! I hate crowds! Bummer....
"Them ain't no militia, that's the Army of the Potomac!"
I am sitting here playing with the forums and I should be putting together Christmas presents and lists and fixing dinner and.............But I love this time of year and refuse to upset myself about it. That is obvious since this is where I am. Giggle.
I WAS LIKE WHAT THE HELL THAN I REALIZED I HAVE MY CAPS STILL ON. HAHAHA
Her courage was her crown and she wore it like a queen -Atticus
You can only dream about the same person so many times before it starts to get downright irritating.
"Fall is the source of my victory
As there's no force without a fight
So let me stride on this path that will lead me to the end
Of a twisted life, that stands before my eyes"
