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For my friend Roland..
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Well... I mainly got blond jokes, with is alright for me to share cuz I'm blond.
So a blond, a brunette, and a redhead are in the wild and run across a tribe of cannibals. The cannibals capture the girls and tied them up in the center of the tribe. So the next day the chief of the tribe comes up to them and says.
"We will give you one chance to leave and not get eaten. You must go out into the forest and pick out ten pieces of fruit. If you can stuff all ten pieces with you making a funny face, you may go."
So the brunette goes out into the forest and comes back with ten blueberries. She got to the sixth on before she started to choke, so they killed and ate her.
Next to go was the redheaded. She went out info the forest and brought back ten cherries. She got to the ninth one before she busted out laughing so they killed her and ate her.
up in heaven the brunette came up to the redhead and asked
"Why did you laugh? You were so close!"
The redhead replied, "the blond was carrying pineapples!"
So a blond, a brunette, and a redhead are in the wild and run across a tribe of cannibals. The cannibals capture the girls and tied them up in the center of the tribe. So the next day the chief of the tribe comes up to them and says.
"We will give you one chance to leave and not get eaten. You must go out into the forest and pick out ten pieces of fruit. If you can stuff all ten pieces with you making a funny face, you may go."
So the brunette goes out into the forest and comes back with ten blueberries. She got to the sixth on before she started to choke, so they killed and ate her.
Next to go was the redheaded. She went out info the forest and brought back ten cherries. She got to the ninth one before she busted out laughing so they killed her and ate her.
up in heaven the brunette came up to the redhead and asked
"Why did you laugh? You were so close!"
The redhead replied, "the blond was carrying pineapples!"
Quote by 3rebels4
Well... I mainly got blond jokes, with is alright for me to share cuz I'm blond.
So a blond, a brunette, and a redhead are in the wild and run across a tribe of cannibals. The cannibals capture the girls and tied them up in the center of the tribe. So the next day the chief of the tribe comes up to them and says.
"We will give you one chance to leave and not get eaten. You must go out into the forest and pick out ten pieces of fruit. If you can stuff all ten pieces with you making a funny face, you may go."
So the brunette goes out into the forest and comes back with ten blueberries. She got to the sixth on before she started to choke, so they killed and ate her.
Next to go was the redheaded. She went out info the forest and brought back ten cherries. She got to the ninth one before she busted out laughing so they killed her and ate her.
up in heaven the brunette came up to the redhead and asked
"Why did you laugh? You were so close!"
The redhead replied, "the blond was carrying pineapples!"
Really? Sexist jokes are all right if you're part of the supposedly stupid group? Does that mean racist jokes are good to go as well?
No, it does not. Please don't get all touchy and claim I don't have a "sense of humour". I do. This is demeaning and not amusing, and if you are including yourself in a group supposedly stupid because of a not-existent factor - hair colour - well, good luck in combatting sexism in life. You don't deserve it, please don't buy into it.
Quote by Dreamcatcher
lol.. nicely cleaned up!!
A woman was driving down a country road.. she passes a plowed field and sees a blond sitting in a rowboat using oars.. the woman slams her brakes on.. runs over to the fence and yells "You are just the reason everyone makes fun of womanhood!!" The blond throws the oars down, stands up in the boat and yells "If I could swim, I'd come over there and make you apologize!"
Gosh, a really funny sexist joke. What's next, something racist? Oh wait, no, that isn't on, right?
Get with it. Get over it. This is insulting.
And please don't bust my chops and claim I don't have a sense of humour. I do and I know how to differentiate between humour and misguided -isms, racist or sexist or other.
Thanks.
Quote by gypsy
Really? Sexist jokes are all right if you're part of the supposedly stupid group? Does that mean racist jokes are good to go as well?
No, it does not. Please don't get all touchy and claim I don't have a "sense of humour". I do. This is demeaning and not amusing, and if you are including yourself in a group supposedly stupid because of a not-existent factor - hair colour - well, good luck in combatting sexism in life. You don't deserve it, please don't buy into it.
I'm sorry you took offense, I really didn't mean to offend anybody by it! What I ment by my comment was that, I wasn't buying into that I was dumb (I can give many reasons to prove otherwise) I just said it as a way that was lightly joking about ones self. If anyone was so say it to me I wouldn't take offense unless they started using my name or said so many to me everyday that was harassment. But one joke that I told to make someone else's day shouldn't be so offensives? Does that make sense?
Quote by 3rebels4Quote by gypsy
Really? Sexist jokes are all right if you're part of the supposedly stupid group? Does that mean racist jokes are good to go as well?
No, it does not. Please don't get all touchy and claim I don't have a "sense of humour". I do. This is demeaning and not amusing, and if you are including yourself in a group supposedly stupid because of a not-existent factor - hair colour - well, good luck in combatting sexism in life. You don't deserve it, please don't buy into it.
I'm sorry you took offense, I really didn't mean to offend anybody by it! What I ment by my comment was that, I wasn't buying into that I was dumb (I can give many reasons to prove otherwise) I just said it as a way that was lightly joking about ones self. If anyone was so say it to me I wouldn't take offense unless they started using my name or said so many to me everyday that was harassment. But one joke that I told to make someone else's day shouldn't be so offensives? Does that make sense?
You may not think you were buying into the general trope that being a blonde woman means she is dumb, but you did, in fact.
On your profile you state you are 17. Well, wait until you have spent ten years or so studying, working, achieving and still end up facing stupid dumb "jokes" based on both your gender - female - and your natural hair colour - blonde - which same jokes seek to reduce all females, blonde or not, to the status of being incompetent, stupid and not progressing beyond the level of a slow-witted child.
Why would you insult yourself and other women, blonde, brunette or red-head, to make someone else's - in fact, some man's - day? That does not make sense. That feeds right into the "sexism is funny" frame of mind and validates it. Do you want to do that?
Stand up for yourself NOW, girl, before you sink into an accepted level of derision based on your appearance. You are not dumb, so don't paint yourself with that brush now. You won't be able to shake it off later. Doing so now entitles the lame-ass jokers to keep making these stupid comments and they will come back and hobble you in your desires and expectations as to what you can achieve as a woman, just as they have harmed many women, blonde or otherwise, and continue to do so.
And yes, they hurt, and they hurt women in their careers and their lives. They also become extremely tedious, tiring and disgusting with time.
Quote by DreamcatcherQuote by gypsyQuote by Dreamcatcher
lol.. nicely cleaned up!!
A woman was driving down a country road.. she passes a plowed field and sees a blond sitting in a rowboat using oars.. the woman slams her brakes on.. runs over to the fence and yells "You are just the reason everyone makes fun of womanhood!!" The blond throws the oars down, stands up in the boat and yells "If I could swim, I'd come over there and make you apologize!"
Gosh, a really funny sexist joke. What's next, something racist? Oh wait, no, that isn't on, right?
Get with it. Get over it. This is insulting.
And please don't bust my chops and claim I don't have a sense of humour. I do and I know how to differentiate between humour and misguided -isms, racist or sexist or other.
Thanks.
You have a right to your opinion Gypsy.. I would never begrudge anyone their right to speak up.. and you do.. quite often.. thank you for sharing with the rest of us.. and while I have difficulty in finding your sense of humor I will be generous and assume you have one somewhere.. I would suggest however that you practice your skills of presentation and try to express yourself in a slightly less dramatic manner..
This topic was meant to be light-hearted and fun on behalf of our friend Roland.. I apologize to anyone who found offense..
And I would suggest you would find humour in anecdotes less sexist. It's as simple as that. I also knew someone would suggest I "lighten up", or as you said, "I would suggest however that you practice your skills of presentation and try to express yourself in a slightly less dramatic manner..".
Hilarious, and totally misses the point I was making, but I expected no less.
As I said, shall we go for racist jokes next and then tell someone to lighten up?
Gypsy is see where your coming from, but here's the thing. Things like that are just words, the phase sticks and stones may break my bone but word will never hurt me? By taking offense you give that word meaning.
Words are the most powerful thing in the world. Because they can control you over anything. Make you feel, think, and even take offense. But, what is a word with no meaning? It wouldn't mean anything to anybody. I know that someone somewhere will take offense, but that gives the word power over them and encourages it to be used more often.
And another thing, the only reason offensives stuff is created is to put others down. They would feel powerful if someone reacted to it. But all I would do is just simply turn around give a small smile and ask, "So what if I am?"
Does that make sense?
Words are the most powerful thing in the world. Because they can control you over anything. Make you feel, think, and even take offense. But, what is a word with no meaning? It wouldn't mean anything to anybody. I know that someone somewhere will take offense, but that gives the word power over them and encourages it to be used more often.
And another thing, the only reason offensives stuff is created is to put others down. They would feel powerful if someone reacted to it. But all I would do is just simply turn around give a small smile and ask, "So what if I am?"
Does that make sense?
Primus Omnium
I would just make one point. I think it might be impossible to write a joke that some group somewhere would not find offensive. But that is all I have to say. I certainly am not about to get into an argument with anyone. It is not worth my time or my effort. Now back to my writing, which is the main reason I am on this site.
Forum Facilitator
Quote by Peter_Pan
I would just make one point. I think it might be impossible to write a joke that some group somewhere would not find offensive. But that is all I have to say. I certainly am not about to get into an argument with anyone. It is not worth my time or my effort. Now back to my writing, which is the main reason I am on this site.
what comes to me is WOW but why do I think Roland is smiling reading the complete thread.........
Peter_Pan I think your joke is spot on!!!
here mine.......
Who's on First by Abbott and Costello
Costello: look Abbott if you are the coach you must know all the players
Abbott: I certainly do
Costello: Well who on first?
Abbott: Yes
Costello: I mean the fellow's name
Abbott: Who
Costello: The guy on first
Abbott: Who
Costello: The first baseman
Abbott: Who
and the joke goes on for about another 10 minutes
as we know your love of baseball Roland
Please read my latest poem to honour all who have served
Bitch Called Nam
https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/poetry/bitch-called-nam
Active Ink Slinger
My apology for being insensitive to my friends.
You can't get there from here, because when you get there you're still here and here is now there.
Forum Facilitator
Quote by rolandloops
Carl is so right. I can't believe you all made a thread for me. That is so neat. Thanks. Gypsy is right, we must show some restraint. Use Roland and other Cubs fans. We are use to being the laughing stock. I'm always glad when their is someone to reign in the childishness of this crowd. I do it to some times and they jump all over my shit too. My only question is, are you going to leave me a joke? Rebel, Larry behave. I loved both of your jokes, but they are a bit insensitive. Thank all of you for just being here. It is wonderful even that you showed up. I mean that. If you want to see something you can all laugh at. Red ripped me a new one in her comment on my musing. It is totally wonderful.
Well.. I certainly consider myself "reigned in".. enjoy everyone's efforts Roland... take care of yourself..
Administration
Please note that some of the posts in this thread have been removed on request of the posters.
"I write because kidnapping, torturing and murdering fictional people is legal."
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Quote by Sherzahd
Please note that some of the posts in this thread have been removed on request of the posters.
Thanks to the posters, kudos my friends.
Keep smiling everyone.hQtPH2XuAvIFuPO1
"No one knows when the final grain of sand will plummet through their own personal Hourglass." ~ CKAcres
"If you really want to make a difference, don't over think it, just do it..."
"Scars of life are deeply etched within the minds of curious old souls."
"If you really want to make a difference, don't over think it, just do it..."
"Scars of life are deeply etched within the minds of curious old souls."
Active Ink Slinger
Enjoy..
A man in his late 70s is at the pub with a mate of his, discussing their respective wives. ‘Mine still thinks she’s a young woman.’
‘If you want to know how young she is, you could try this little trick. When you get home, ask her what’s for dinner from several distances.
Start at 30 feet, then 25 feet, then 20, and so on. The sooner she hears you, the younger she is.’
So, an hour later, the man arrives home and shouts, at a distance of about 30 feet from his wife: ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?’ No answer.
He goes a bit closer. ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?’ Still no answer. He goes closer, asks it again, no response…
When he’s finally standing in the doorway of the kitchen, about five feet away from his wife, he yells, ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?!’
His wife turns around briskly and says, sounding irritated:
‘I’ve already told you three times now: chicken and mushrooms!’
A man in his late 70s is at the pub with a mate of his, discussing their respective wives. ‘Mine still thinks she’s a young woman.’
‘If you want to know how young she is, you could try this little trick. When you get home, ask her what’s for dinner from several distances.
Start at 30 feet, then 25 feet, then 20, and so on. The sooner she hears you, the younger she is.’
So, an hour later, the man arrives home and shouts, at a distance of about 30 feet from his wife: ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?’ No answer.
He goes a bit closer. ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?’ Still no answer. He goes closer, asks it again, no response…
When he’s finally standing in the doorway of the kitchen, about five feet away from his wife, he yells, ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?!’
His wife turns around briskly and says, sounding irritated:
‘I’ve already told you three times now: chicken and mushrooms!’
"No one knows when the final grain of sand will plummet through their own personal Hourglass." ~ CKAcres
"If you really want to make a difference, don't over think it, just do it..."
"Scars of life are deeply etched within the minds of curious old souls."
"If you really want to make a difference, don't over think it, just do it..."
"Scars of life are deeply etched within the minds of curious old souls."
Active Ink Slinger
A wonderful joke Dave and it fits right into the theme of getting older.
You can't get there from here, because when you get there you're still here and here is now there.
Active Ink Slinger
A great joke Dave. I liked how it related with my writing about getting older. Wait this seems familiar. Did I already....... SHIT I did it again, I think.
You can't get there from here, because when you get there you're still here and here is now there.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by rolandloops
A great joke Dave. I liked how it related with my writing about getting older. Wait this seems familiar. Did I already....... SHIT I did it again, I think.
I got it yes I did. Happens to me all of the time.
"No one knows when the final grain of sand will plummet through their own personal Hourglass." ~ CKAcres
"If you really want to make a difference, don't over think it, just do it..."
"Scars of life are deeply etched within the minds of curious old souls."
"If you really want to make a difference, don't over think it, just do it..."
"Scars of life are deeply etched within the minds of curious old souls."
Okay. I will try this again... hopefully it will be alright.
A guy walks into a vet's office with his sick dog. He asked the doctor to look at his dog and tell him what's wrong with him. The doctor examines the dog and turned to the man and said.
"Sir your dog is dead."
the man who loves his dog is very stubborn and says
"No, he's not. I want a second opinion!"
so the doctor goes into the back and returns with a cat. The cat walked up and down the dog, pawing at it. It then sat down, looked at the doctor, and said "Meow."
the doctor turned to the man, "sir the cat says your dog is dead."
"No, he's not. I want a third opinion!"
So the doctor picks up the cat and goes into the back. He returns with a Labrador puppy. The puppy sniffed the dog, nudged it, and pawed at it. It then turned to the doctor and said, "woof."
"Sir, the puppy says your dog is dead."
"Alright..." the man finally caved in.
When he went to pay, he discovered the bill was $650.
"Whoa, doc! $650 justly to tell me, my dog is dead!"
"Well, I would've just charged you 50, but you wanted a cat-scan and lab results."
A guy walks into a vet's office with his sick dog. He asked the doctor to look at his dog and tell him what's wrong with him. The doctor examines the dog and turned to the man and said.
"Sir your dog is dead."
the man who loves his dog is very stubborn and says
"No, he's not. I want a second opinion!"
so the doctor goes into the back and returns with a cat. The cat walked up and down the dog, pawing at it. It then sat down, looked at the doctor, and said "Meow."
the doctor turned to the man, "sir the cat says your dog is dead."
"No, he's not. I want a third opinion!"
So the doctor picks up the cat and goes into the back. He returns with a Labrador puppy. The puppy sniffed the dog, nudged it, and pawed at it. It then turned to the doctor and said, "woof."
"Sir, the puppy says your dog is dead."
"Alright..." the man finally caved in.
When he went to pay, he discovered the bill was $650.
"Whoa, doc! $650 justly to tell me, my dog is dead!"
"Well, I would've just charged you 50, but you wanted a cat-scan and lab results."
Forum Facilitator
Quote by 3rebels4
Okay. I will try this again... hopefully it will be alright.
A guy walks into a vet's office with his sick dog. He asked the doctor to look at his dog and tell him what's wrong with him. The doctor examines the dog and turned to the man and said.
"Sir your dog is dead."
the man who loves his dog is very stubborn and says
"No, he's not. I want a second opinion!"
so the doctor goes into the back and returns with a cat. The cat walked up and down the dog, pawing at it. It then sat down, looked at the doctor, and said "Meow."
the doctor turned to the man, "sir the cat says your dog is dead."
"No, he's not. I want a third opinion!"
So the doctor picks up the cat and goes into the back. He returns with a Labrador puppy. The puppy sniffed the dog, nudged it, and pawed at it. It then turned to the doctor and said, "woof."
"Sir, the puppy says your dog is dead."
"Alright..." the man finally caved in.
When he went to pay, he discovered the bill was $650.
"Whoa, doc! $650 justly to tell me, my dog is dead!"
"Well, I would've just charged you 50, but you wanted a cat-scan and lab results."
to all my dog and cat friends no animal was hurt or harmed in this joke
hope your laughing Roland.
Please read my latest poem to honour all who have served
Bitch Called Nam
https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/poetry/bitch-called-nam
Active Ink Slinger
Dear Users
Okay , So Mr. Roland..
Are we any fun OR WHAT ?
Yes , I'll have the Latter on any given day.
But not today I say.
Guys and girls.. Friends of Roland...I'm sure He Knows You care.
You've all said it here and there.
Why display those heavy long faces!?
The gentleman is Alive NOT Dead.
It is what it is.In his Musing enough was said.
He doesn't want your pity or the reminder thereof.
No special treatment needed.
I'd be less patient with sensitive viewers.
Now the big fuss gets bigger, good hearts you all have.
Somehow i believe this man will be free.
Yes he is human just like you and me.
Through aging and Illness Opens our door.
It's 'GODS' way.(Or the 'UNIVERSES' or whatever you wish to use) , to shower us with HES mercy, and purifying our hearts and souls.
I've been there and seen it.over and over again.I visited the bedridden elderly, and sit with them talk and pray.Most times they cant reply but thats just part of the way.
Soon they too,in their ''states'' of mind and soul,realize the reason behind it ALL....
Mr.Roland, i've just the joke for you
and no, you are not EXPECTED to reply.
I don't know how others might take interpret all this but , I guess i'll know soon.
Ok , now for a good joke while we remove our moarning clothes...
Happy People Stay Happy
[After Every Difficulty Comes Ease]
And Yes, maybe i have no right...
It's Sounds like
Okay , So Mr. Roland..
Are we any fun OR WHAT ?
Yes , I'll have the Latter on any given day.
But not today I say.
Guys and girls.. Friends of Roland...I'm sure He Knows You care.
You've all said it here and there.
Why display those heavy long faces!?
The gentleman is Alive NOT Dead.
It is what it is.In his Musing enough was said.
He doesn't want your pity or the reminder thereof.
No special treatment needed.
I'd be less patient with sensitive viewers.
Now the big fuss gets bigger, good hearts you all have.
Somehow i believe this man will be free.
Yes he is human just like you and me.
Through aging and Illness Opens our door.
It's 'GODS' way.(Or the 'UNIVERSES' or whatever you wish to use) , to shower us with HES mercy, and purifying our hearts and souls.
I've been there and seen it.over and over again.I visited the bedridden elderly, and sit with them talk and pray.Most times they cant reply but thats just part of the way.
Soon they too,in their ''states'' of mind and soul,realize the reason behind it ALL....
Mr.Roland, i've just the joke for you
and no, you are not EXPECTED to reply.
I don't know how others might take interpret all this but , I guess i'll know soon.
Ok , now for a good joke while we remove our moarning clothes...
Happy People Stay Happy
[After Every Difficulty Comes Ease]
And Yes, maybe i have no right...
It's Sounds like
When You Don't Feel Like Smiling, Smile Anyway
Active Ink Slinger
Dear Users
Parental Guidance Is Strictly Advised.
2 old men with Alzheimers are at the beach
enjoying the view from a bench.
One says to the other "Oh Fred, I could do with a
lovely Ice Cream right now, it's so hot, It would cool
me right down"
"No problem, George" says Fred "I'll nip over to the shops and get us one each. Anything in particular?"
"Hmm, " thinks George, licking his lips. "I think I'll
have a double vanilla scoop!"
"Double vanilla scoop, no problem" And off walks
Fred up the hill to the ice cream stall.
"Fred!" Shouts George, just as Fred is nearly at the top of the hill. "Put some nuts on it too!"
"Ok, so that's double vanilla scoop, with nuts. No
problem" And off he sets again.
"Fred!" Shouts George again, "Put some of that
raspberry sauce on too!"
"Ok, so that's double vanilla scoop, nuts and raspberry sauce"
"..And a can of coke!" Adds George.
"..And a can of coke." And off Fred went to the Ice
Cream stall.
15 minutes passed and Fred still hadn't returned. "I
wonder where he could have got to?" said George to himself, while baking under the Sun.
30 minutes passed, no sign.
Finally, after an hour, George saw Fred wandering
back over the hill.
"There you go, " said Fred, " A nice pork pie for
you, just like you asked" "Pork Pie?" Said George, totally exasperated. "A
PORK PIE?! WHERE'S MY BLOODY FISH AND CHIPS?!"
Parental Guidance Is Strictly Advised.
2 old men with Alzheimers are at the beach
enjoying the view from a bench.
One says to the other "Oh Fred, I could do with a
lovely Ice Cream right now, it's so hot, It would cool
me right down"
"No problem, George" says Fred "I'll nip over to the shops and get us one each. Anything in particular?"
"Hmm, " thinks George, licking his lips. "I think I'll
have a double vanilla scoop!"
"Double vanilla scoop, no problem" And off walks
Fred up the hill to the ice cream stall.
"Fred!" Shouts George, just as Fred is nearly at the top of the hill. "Put some nuts on it too!"
"Ok, so that's double vanilla scoop, with nuts. No
problem" And off he sets again.
"Fred!" Shouts George again, "Put some of that
raspberry sauce on too!"
"Ok, so that's double vanilla scoop, nuts and raspberry sauce"
"..And a can of coke!" Adds George.
"..And a can of coke." And off Fred went to the Ice
Cream stall.
15 minutes passed and Fred still hadn't returned. "I
wonder where he could have got to?" said George to himself, while baking under the Sun.
30 minutes passed, no sign.
Finally, after an hour, George saw Fred wandering
back over the hill.
"There you go, " said Fred, " A nice pork pie for
you, just like you asked" "Pork Pie?" Said George, totally exasperated. "A
PORK PIE?! WHERE'S MY BLOODY FISH AND CHIPS?!"
When You Don't Feel Like Smiling, Smile Anyway
Rookie Scribe
Cute joke. I've been through Alzheimer's in the family. This was pretty funny and in good taste. Thanks for the chuckle. :-)
Active Ink Slinger
Hope this keeps the smiles going, for Roland and the rest of us, laughter can make this life much more enjoyable 
Hope it gets a smile or two.
Life After the Zoo
There was a zebra who had lived her entire life in a zoo. She was getting older so the zoo keeper decided as a treat, she could spend her final years in comfort on a local farm.
Zebra was so excited when she arrived, to see huge open spaces, with green grass, surrounded by trees and hills, with not a cage, or fence to be seen.
Many strange looking animals were roaming around contentedly. None looked like her friends at the zoo.
She noticed a large strange looking reddish brown animal munching grass. Running over to it all excited, "Hi! I'm Zebra, who are you?" she blurted out. "I'm a cow" the brown animal answered. "Sweet, what do you do here?" Zebra asked. "I provide milk and other things for the farmer and his family, that's my job," said the cow. "Awesome!" Zebra exclaimed, "nice to meet you."
She then noticed a fluffy looking white bird, scratching and pecking away at the ground. Running over to it, skidding to a halt, Zebra again blurted out in her excitement, "Hi! I'm Zebra, who are you?" "I'm a chicken," the white bird replied. "Oh! what do you do here?" Zebra asked. "I lay eggs for the farmer and his family, that's my job, amongst other things." said the chicken.
"Been nice meeting you, see you around." Zebra shouted, as she turned, catching a glimpse of a much larger animal that looked somewhat the same as her, with the exception of size and color.
It was black, with a white star shape on it's forehead, and was walking straight toward her. He was a very handsome, well proportioned creature. She could see a definite glint in his eye. She was so excited, she could not move, just standing there as he approached.
Closing her eyes, when she opened them again, he was right in front of her, startling her a bit. "Hi, I'm Zebra," she said, her voice shaking slightly. "Who are you?"
"I am a Stallion," he said, with a powerful, deep voice, " pleasure to meet you, you're new here, aren't you?"
"Yes I just arrived," Zebra continued, her voice still quivering a bit. "You are very big and handsome, what is your job here?"
Sticking out his chest, stallion winked at her and replied. "Take off those striped pyjamas, I would be happy to show you."
Hope it gets a smile or two.Life After the Zoo
There was a zebra who had lived her entire life in a zoo. She was getting older so the zoo keeper decided as a treat, she could spend her final years in comfort on a local farm.
Zebra was so excited when she arrived, to see huge open spaces, with green grass, surrounded by trees and hills, with not a cage, or fence to be seen.
Many strange looking animals were roaming around contentedly. None looked like her friends at the zoo.
She noticed a large strange looking reddish brown animal munching grass. Running over to it all excited, "Hi! I'm Zebra, who are you?" she blurted out. "I'm a cow" the brown animal answered. "Sweet, what do you do here?" Zebra asked. "I provide milk and other things for the farmer and his family, that's my job," said the cow. "Awesome!" Zebra exclaimed, "nice to meet you."
She then noticed a fluffy looking white bird, scratching and pecking away at the ground. Running over to it, skidding to a halt, Zebra again blurted out in her excitement, "Hi! I'm Zebra, who are you?" "I'm a chicken," the white bird replied. "Oh! what do you do here?" Zebra asked. "I lay eggs for the farmer and his family, that's my job, amongst other things." said the chicken.
"Been nice meeting you, see you around." Zebra shouted, as she turned, catching a glimpse of a much larger animal that looked somewhat the same as her, with the exception of size and color.
It was black, with a white star shape on it's forehead, and was walking straight toward her. He was a very handsome, well proportioned creature. She could see a definite glint in his eye. She was so excited, she could not move, just standing there as he approached.
Closing her eyes, when she opened them again, he was right in front of her, startling her a bit. "Hi, I'm Zebra," she said, her voice shaking slightly. "Who are you?"
"I am a Stallion," he said, with a powerful, deep voice, " pleasure to meet you, you're new here, aren't you?"
"Yes I just arrived," Zebra continued, her voice still quivering a bit. "You are very big and handsome, what is your job here?"
Sticking out his chest, stallion winked at her and replied. "Take off those striped pyjamas, I would be happy to show you."
"No one knows when the final grain of sand will plummet through their own personal Hourglass." ~ CKAcres
"If you really want to make a difference, don't over think it, just do it..."
"Scars of life are deeply etched within the minds of curious old souls."
"If you really want to make a difference, don't over think it, just do it..."
"Scars of life are deeply etched within the minds of curious old souls."
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An officer pulls over a guy speeding in a truck down the road.. he opens the back door of the truck and inside are 60 penguins.. he says "What the hell?" The guy says "I found them walking down the road and I didn't know what to do with them." The officer thinks for a minute, then he says "Well, you could always just take them to the zoo."
The next day the officer sees the same truck speeding down the highway. He pulls him over again and opens the door to the truck. Inside are the 60 penguins all wearing sunglasses. The officer says "I thought I told you to take them to the zoo!" The guy says "I did. They liked it so much I thought I would take them to the beach today."
The next day the officer sees the same truck speeding down the highway. He pulls him over again and opens the door to the truck. Inside are the 60 penguins all wearing sunglasses. The officer says "I thought I told you to take them to the zoo!" The guy says "I did. They liked it so much I thought I would take them to the beach today."
Active Ink Slinger
Wonderful Stories, CK and Dc!
My wife Liz saw me laughing and asked, "What is so funny?"
I told her, "Zebras and penguins."
"What's so funny about that?" She asked.
"The penguins were wearing sunglasses." I replied.
She looked perplexed and asked, "What about the Zebra?"
I looked at her as straight faced as I could and said, "Put on some stripped pajamas and I will show you."
I then laughed even harder. She knew something was going on so she looked over my shoulder and read the jokes.
She then smacked me on the top of my head and used some of her colorful Cajun terminology on me.
I looked up and smiled and said, "So where are your stripped pajamas?"
Liz look me square in the eyes and gave me a peck on my forehead, then she said, "If you resembled a stallion in anyway, I wouldn't want to had any pajamas on."
She smiled, turned and walked away. I sat there crushed and scattered to the four winds.
My wife Liz saw me laughing and asked, "What is so funny?"
I told her, "Zebras and penguins."
"What's so funny about that?" She asked.
"The penguins were wearing sunglasses." I replied.
She looked perplexed and asked, "What about the Zebra?"
I looked at her as straight faced as I could and said, "Put on some stripped pajamas and I will show you."
I then laughed even harder. She knew something was going on so she looked over my shoulder and read the jokes.
She then smacked me on the top of my head and used some of her colorful Cajun terminology on me.
I looked up and smiled and said, "So where are your stripped pajamas?"
Liz look me square in the eyes and gave me a peck on my forehead, then she said, "If you resembled a stallion in anyway, I wouldn't want to had any pajamas on."
She smiled, turned and walked away. I sat there crushed and scattered to the four winds.
You can't get there from here, because when you get there you're still here and here is now there.
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Quote by rolandloops
Wonderful Stories, CK and Dc!
My wife Liz saw me laughing and asked, "What is so funny?"
I told her, "Zebras and penguins."
"What's so funny about that?" She asked.
"The penguins were wearing sunglasses." I replied.
She looked perplexed and asked, "What about the Zebra?"
I looked at her as straight faced as I could and said, "Put on some stripped pajamas and I will show you."
I then laughed even harder. She knew something was going on so she looked over my shoulder and read the jokes.
She then smacked me on the top of my head and used some of her colorful Cajun terminology on me.
I looked up and smiled and said, "So where are your stripped pajamas?"
Liz look me square in the eyes and gave me a peck on my forehead, then she said, "If you resembled a stallion in anyway, I wouldn't want to had any pajamas on."
She smiled, turned and walked away. I sat there crushed and scattered to the four winds.
hahahaha... I'll let you borrow my line RL.. I tell my wife "I may not be as good as I once was.. but I'm now as good once as I ever was!"