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For my friend Roland..
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Chasing Dragons
I was reaching into the freezer yesterday but unfortunately I was wearing a rather short skirt and hold-ups. My Husband, bless him couldn't control himself and lifted my skirt and... well, you can imagine the rest.
Now we are banned from every Walmart in the state!
Now we are banned from every Walmart in the state!
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana
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Thanksgiving dinner is over, but the left overs will be around a while - and that is a good thing.
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An elderly couple who had just learned how to send text messages were on their mobile phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no nonsense guy. One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her hubby a romantic text message and so she got out her phone and typed:
"If you are sleeping send me your dreams. If you are laughing send me your smile. If you are eating send me a bite. If you are drinking send me a sip. If you are crying send me your tears."
The husband texted back to her, "I'm on the toilet. Please advise."
"If you are sleeping send me your dreams. If you are laughing send me your smile. If you are eating send me a bite. If you are drinking send me a sip. If you are crying send me your tears."
The husband texted back to her, "I'm on the toilet. Please advise."
"Them ain't no militia, that's the Army of the Potomac!"
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A blind man makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.
After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blond joke?
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde "biker girl."
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is a blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously Mister, Do you still wanna tell that joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
"Nah...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blond joke?
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde "biker girl."
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is a blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously Mister, Do you still wanna tell that joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
"Nah...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
"Them ain't no militia, that's the Army of the Potomac!"
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Guido and Garducci are flying on a plane for the first time of their lives to visit family. An hour into the flight, the pilot comes on the speaker and says, "I'm sorry to tell you folks, but we just lost engine number one. But don't worry we still have three engines left. We're going to be an hour later in arrival."
An hour later, the pilot comes on the speaker again and says, "I'm sorry to tell you folks, but we just lost engine number two. But don't worry we still have two engines left, however, we're going to be three hours later in arrival."
Another hour passes and the pilot comes on the speaker again and says, "I'm sorry to tell you folks, but we just lost engine number three. But don't worry we still have one engine left. Unfortunately, we're going to be five hours later in arrival."
After a few minutes, Guido turns to Garducci and says, "I tell you what my friend. If that fourth engine goes, we gonna be up here all night."
An hour later, the pilot comes on the speaker again and says, "I'm sorry to tell you folks, but we just lost engine number two. But don't worry we still have two engines left, however, we're going to be three hours later in arrival."
Another hour passes and the pilot comes on the speaker again and says, "I'm sorry to tell you folks, but we just lost engine number three. But don't worry we still have one engine left. Unfortunately, we're going to be five hours later in arrival."
After a few minutes, Guido turns to Garducci and says, "I tell you what my friend. If that fourth engine goes, we gonna be up here all night."
Chasing Dragons
I visited a rather swish French Restaurant last night. The Maître D' showed me to my table and politely held my chair as I sat.
"Bon Appetite," he said.
As soon as he left the wine waiter came to the table but, not being used to such service I thought he was just a normal waiter so I asked him;
"Do you have frog's legs?"
He looked puzzled but ever so politely replied, "Oui, Madame. Of course."
I smiled sweetly.
"Well be a love and hop over to the bar. I'm gasping for a drink!"
"Bon Appetite," he said.
As soon as he left the wine waiter came to the table but, not being used to such service I thought he was just a normal waiter so I asked him;
"Do you have frog's legs?"
He looked puzzled but ever so politely replied, "Oui, Madame. Of course."
I smiled sweetly.
"Well be a love and hop over to the bar. I'm gasping for a drink!"
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana
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My Competition Story : 💜 Milly's Adventure https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/childrens/millys-adventure-2
Chasing Dragons
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana
Chasing Dragons
I recently had the great pleasure of spending a few days in the beautiful Snowdonia National Park in North Wales.
It was whilst driving along one of those narrow country lanes that I passed a farm entrance where, beside the gate, was a stall which was stacked with all the fresh fruit, vegetables and dairy produce which one would expect in such a rural area.
Beside the stall was a hand written sign which stated:
FRESH FRUIT
FRESH VEGETABLES
PARACETAMOL
I was so surprised that I pulled in and wound down the window.
"Fresh fruit, Fresh veg and paracetamol?" I asked the earthy looking chap behind the stall.
"That's right," he replied with a strong Welsh accent.
"OK, I get the fruit and veg," I said, "But pain killers? How come?"
The old fellow stared at me seemingly offended and replied,
"Because I'm a farmer, see?"
It was whilst driving along one of those narrow country lanes that I passed a farm entrance where, beside the gate, was a stall which was stacked with all the fresh fruit, vegetables and dairy produce which one would expect in such a rural area.
Beside the stall was a hand written sign which stated:
FRESH FRUIT
FRESH VEGETABLES
PARACETAMOL
I was so surprised that I pulled in and wound down the window.
"Fresh fruit, Fresh veg and paracetamol?" I asked the earthy looking chap behind the stall.
"That's right," he replied with a strong Welsh accent.
"OK, I get the fruit and veg," I said, "But pain killers? How come?"
The old fellow stared at me seemingly offended and replied,
"Because I'm a farmer, see?"
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana