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For my friend Roland..
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Quote by gillianleeza
Do not like cheese like that, but if that is pizza, then you really do get me!
You can't get there from here, because when you get there you're still here and here is now there.
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Ha Ha Ha! Margot that silliness makes me laugh. Thank you.
You can't get there from here, because when you get there you're still here and here is now there.
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I guess like a bad wine that one lacked a full body.
You can't get there from here, because when you get there you're still here and here is now there.
Rest in Peace
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and asks for the octopus. The waiter says; 'Ok, but it takes 8 hours to cook'. When the man asks; 'Why does it take so long'. The waiter replies; 'because it keeps turning the gas off''
I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...
Rest in Peace
I was telling a woman in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.
"Really" she said, "Go on then... try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said,
"Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
"Really" she said, "Go on then... try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said,
"Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...
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After a full night of drinking and partying, Amos naturally got in his car to drive home. Weaving and curving all over the road, he got pulled over by a patrolman. He ordered Amos to get out of the car and provide his ID. When he got out the patrolman said, "Hey, you're staggering." Amos turned to the patrolman and said, "Why thanks. You're not so bad yourself!"
Rest in Peace
First-year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor began the lecture by telling them: "In medicine, it is necessary to possess two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."
To illustrate, he pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it, and stuck it in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the professor looked at them and said,
"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
The professor began the lecture by telling them: "In medicine, it is necessary to possess two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."
To illustrate, he pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it, and stuck it in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the professor looked at them and said,
"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...
Rest in Peace
A naked woman walks into a bar and asks for a beer.
The bartender stares at her body from head to toe then serves her a beer. She drinks it and asks for another beer. The bartender stares at her for longer and serves her a second beer. The woman again drinks it and asks for a third beer.
Then the bartender starts to look at her with an amused expression, until the woman says:
— What, have you never seen a naked woman before?
— That I have, miss. I'm wondering where you're keeping the money to pay for the beers...
The bartender stares at her body from head to toe then serves her a beer. She drinks it and asks for another beer. The bartender stares at her for longer and serves her a second beer. The woman again drinks it and asks for a third beer.
Then the bartender starts to look at her with an amused expression, until the woman says:
— What, have you never seen a naked woman before?
— That I have, miss. I'm wondering where you're keeping the money to pay for the beers...
I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...
Rest in Peace
As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole. I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter. I took my finger back out and within seconds she was going down on me.
"I really need a new fuckin boat," I thought to myself...
"I really need a new fuckin boat," I thought to myself...
I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...
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Thank you Alan. You are in need of serious help. Can I come too?
You can't get there from here, because when you get there you're still here and here is now there.
Love you huuun
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One night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started in the local chemical plant. In a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.
When the volunteer fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the department that brings them out intact."
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.
Soon more fire departments were called as the situation became desperate. As firemen arrived, the president shouted out the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.
A lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian Rural Township Volunteer Fire Company, composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, that little run-down engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant.
Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, other firemen watched as Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire fought it back on all sides ... a performance and effort never seen before!
In a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. The grateful company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.
The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck!
When the volunteer fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the department that brings them out intact."
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.
Soon more fire departments were called as the situation became desperate. As firemen arrived, the president shouted out the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.
A lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian Rural Township Volunteer Fire Company, composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, that little run-down engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant.
Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, other firemen watched as Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire fought it back on all sides ... a performance and effort never seen before!
In a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. The grateful company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.
The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck!
"Them ain't no militia, that's the Army of the Potomac!"
