What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire ?
The vampire stops sucking when all the blood is gone
"What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
BREATHE!!"
"What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? "
Bison.
"There once was an explosion at a cheese factory in France......"
De-brie everywhere
What's the difference between a shark and lawyer ..
The shark doesn't eat it's own kind
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."
Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother?
My name is Paul.
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?"
Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"
Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"
Patrick: "What school?"
Tramp knocks at the door of a posh house and asked if there are any odd jobs to be done.
"Sure," says the owner. "You can put a coat of paint on the porch."
An hour later the tramp knocks and says;
"I done that fer yer, Mister but I am surprised that yer taught yer Ferrari were a Porsche!"
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana
here is an awesome joke for all you mind readers out there
Why did General De Gaul have Greek letters around his cap?
Because he would have looked ridiculous with French ones!
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana
A magic tractor was driving down the road when it turned into a field.
So...
Veiled condom jokes and jibes are fine at Stories Space?
Pretty sure that is not so.
Whatever...
I'm sorry? Aren't you making just a little too much of this? If you wish have a go, please do so privately and not in the forum for which you are supposed to be a facilitator!
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana
Whilst visiting the Olympic Park in Munich, I saw a man approaching who was wearing sports gear and carrying a long pole on his shoulder.
I said, as he passed,
"Excuse me, are you a Pole Vaulter?"
He stopped and stared at me before replying,
"Nein, I am German and how did you know my name is Walter?"
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana
Excerpts from a Dogs Diary
8:00 am Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cats Diary
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a good little hunter I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of allergies. I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage..
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
For now
.
Not. 
